No. 317 Normalcy

Ok, so lately I have been pondering what is normal. I hear people say "normal" all the time. Not to mention that I have this strange affinity towards Akon-this guy who sounds like a Jamacian yolder, I don't get it either, but anyways, I find his song about the Lambo Murcilago? very catchy. I also have come to the relevation that I can't buy any car that I can't pronounce or spell, aka the Lambo, god, how insane would it be if I drove a Lambo, I probably wouldn't either because I can't drive stick and can barely figure out that automatic/manual shift thing on the car, whatever, I don't car, as long as it has a drive, park, and reverse, I think i'm fine, who even cares about neutral-honestly? Who stays in neutral?

You know I realized the sense that I feel like i'm entitled comes from the American point of view that all of us are entitled to something. Maybe we're less elitist then the English, but I find myself always say i'm entitled to something, I am dammit, but also, I mean when you think about it, I was reading this article in the Times about Baby Einstein vs. Barbie and how Barbie always wins out, regardless of how well people think Baby Einstein sells to the elitist middle class who cherish classical music in the womb. They say only 1 in 20 kids are Nannied and blah blah blah and that we're really more realistic, but the market caters to the upper middle when it's really the middle to lower middle that is the consumption class.

I don't know, maybe what i'm getting at is that I won't evern not feel alone, and I won't ever not feel normal, and I won't ever feel like there's something just like me in the world, because maybe I have to realize that no one has these neurosis like I do, no one knows what it's like to be, because no one is me.

Leading to my other point, I wonder how much normal my life would be, how much of a caring person I would be, how much of like a low key level headed person I would be if I went to church, like If I prayed to god other then the times where I think i'm dying because I came down with a sudden cold that rendered me with chills or the fact that I pray that I hope the Louis Vuitton prices won't increase until I get my speedy, I don't know, it's so vain I know, but maybe if I went to church and wore like church appropriate wear and hung out afterwards with the rest of the kids drinking punch I would be normal. The fact is that i'm never going to church, i'm never going to worship the alter of Buddhism either, I really htink church and religion is for suckers, it's honestly for people who have no path in life or want to have a guiding light, somethign I don't believe in, because no one fucking guides you except yourself and your own stupidity, and I realize, ok, most people go to church so they can find a nice church girl or like socialize with people, that's so stupid, you're suppose to be next go god, nto socializing about how has the newest church dress and whose wearing black underwear or no underwear underneath. Sure, I know church helps lots of people, I get it, I see what it does, but it just doesn't work for me. It's like that saying that studies show the more educated or the more money you have, the less likely you are to spend time in church, I think that applies to me, because you know what, God hasn't done anything for me, you know how has though, my family, and that's where I own, and yes, God did put me on this earth-some say, but they also served to erradicate me as well, how did I survive, it wasn't faith, that's for sure, it was this thing that people follow just as religiously-cash, cold hard cash, all cash always, some people don't need credit, why, because they have cash and as my mother says, "cash is always king," so the saga continues, normalacy, I balk at that...HA!