No. 283 I FEEL SAD DAMMIT

Ok, so trying to be all french, like I don't even know why, yes I took french for 4 years in HS, kind of missed it and realized there is so much I should have done in college in a way that I am kind of shooting myself in the foot, like I should have said that after my first if not second quarter of college I should have said to myself that I should do better dammit and not because it's my first year-now I look at my grades and am feeling sad that I won't get into lawschool, the a part of me is like it's okay if I don't, then i'm like there is no way financially I can uphold my own if I'm not making like 60,000 at least a year therefore freaking out even more. Furthermore, tried to spell i'm sad, then tried to be profound in french and only came up with une seconde de despair-is that even a french word, hell no, stupid American as the french would say.

Then watched Love Actually, made me realize that love is actually all around as Hugh Grant says, but is not with me, further emphasized by girl who I thought wouldn't be dating, but is to some random bloke she just randomly met-how does this happen? Furthermore, made me all sad watching Love Actually because it made me kind of miss my cousin in that sense when we're laden with shopping bags as we're nonchalatantly flipping a scarve over our neck a la winter time in Love Actually. Further reiterrated by those sappy love songs that were on Love Actually including the one with Bill Nighly signing "Christmas (Love) is all around us" in some way that little boy this time made me want to cry-and usually I don't buy movies that make me cry. Now, I feel like watching Lost in Translation-not for the sense of Bill Murray being old and trying to scam on Scarlett Johnanssen, but more like to feel that gloomy feeling that is of no relevance to anyone truly suffering in the world.

Furthermore, am just rambling about and feeling anxious if I did get into a law school and feeling mega sad if I didn't, but more like if I got into law school it'd be like the best hard working vacation I could get in a sense that my obligations would be only towards school and there was nothing I could do about the other things unless I a. had a personal assistance b. had a jet c. had all the money in the world.

Am signing out still feeling sad...why can't the feeling subside and the hottest that i'm experiencing...