No. 247 Part 2

Ok, so it all of a sudden hit me, like this giant wave coming towards me, an anxiety attack or something that totally stops my heart and my lungs. All of a sudden in the shower i realize, if I don't make it, what am I going to do. So, I actually looked over my test-realized I panicked and got some things totally wrong and now see what was wrong-even though I didn't look back at my notes, like I knew the fuckers, but I just panicked because I had 50 minutes to tell the prof. all I knew about that subject and that was it. I mean, these tests aren't that fucking hard, at first it wasn't me studying, now it's me having anxiety attacks that now leads me to massive depression. Literally, like i'm so high strung right now, if someone knocked on my door, i'd probably be in such shock that i'd jump and fall off my chair. I'm so freaking out right now, i'm on the verge of tears almost and I just can't pull anything together. Like, I wish I could have this moment: go outside, light up, calm myself, go get something extremely healthy, then go back, sit down, and just chill like everyone else, but I can't, because if I go outside, i'll be cold that will lead to me and a cold sweat, i'll be fearing of who will see me, therefore leading to not calming myself, then I won't get anything healthy-because what is the point, then i'm going to go back and become entirely antsy as my whole world is spinning in my head and colliding with all things evil. Also, I'd love to have the John Mayer Heavier Things going on through all this, but of course, life isn't like a fucking movie is it? So, i'm just so high strong, also I never thought i'd be those people who light up in the morning or drink coke in the morning either, but I am. It's making me so high strung, omg, ok, I think i'm going to have to find a sedative, and I think there are drunk people somewhere near me, not making me feel anymore calmer...