No. 249

Ok, so this is the day after my birthday. I rathered enjoyed it, although my dad before was rather stressful and I was almost on the verge of tears. It was like a purge before something truthfully good happens. It has, I've had a great birthday-really great, even minus from getting sick-I usually think of it as an omen of bad bad times to come, but none what so ever. I've got fab friends, lovely flowers, Hello Kitty ballons, oh it's just the great. Today, was like a ending chapter, SATC is over, and I didn't cry, I mean, it was the end of something truly great, and now it's over and it's fine. Liek it was the time for them to end, it made sense. I just realize that I should start living surfacely, not under the surface. There is no need to dwell on anything because after all, I can't do anything about it, all my life, i've had this subconscious feeling about "changing lives" in great numbers, but no one can, but I have changed lives around me and that is good enough. Also, about living on the surface, I realized you don't need to live so bubble pop surface, but just be conscious, live life and when something is afflicting deal with it, and move on. I had this ephiphany as I was shopping at Gap. I realized how depressing Abercrombie makes me now, I mean, it's really preppy high schoolers who want to to get some, but can't. I shopped at Gap and it felt great. There was great music playing, those key songs from the commercials and Jack, my man of the moment. So, I was content, the girl didn't rifle through my clothes before putting them on hooks in the dressing rooms. When people do that-it makes me think like i'm going to steal or something-give me a fucking break bitch?!? So yea, I had this fab time there, trying on clothes, watching the gays vibe off each other, and just listening to the music. That's how my life use to be, it'd be like shopping at gap, vibrant colors, vibrant men, and virbrant songs. I missed those days, but I see they're resurfacing, because when I look back at it, that whole wannabe punk, rock, and indie and inbetween was just bullshit. Fashion is about you, not just being the lastest trend of urban. So now, my new life, living on the surface while just being subconscious about what's going on. I no longer need to dwell on am I going to make it and blah blah blah, because I will, life is fool proof, i've lived 20 years, and if I really did fuck up, then i'd already done it. Rock on!