No. 269

Oh the days go and go and there seems to be a new font on blogger. So, i'm connecting to blogging and I read that Evan Scott is going away-not that I knew him, but I did know his messages. I've been with blogger for an eternity of time-some 5 years if not more, but I contemplate how blogger has always been there-but it's also gotten me in trouble and gotten me out of trouble. It's so nostalgic for me to be sitting here blogging a way, I like to think of myself as SJP in SATC as I listen to old skool Andy. Oh the good times, now my life is so quiet-so serene. No one tells you that this is what it's really suppose to be, everyone glamourizes it. For instance, when you get into college-it's just going to be keggers and house parties and just hanging out with a abercrombie and thrift store filled room. Instead, I find myself studying more, there are no keggers, no parties, tons of Ralph Lauren-in my closet only, and yea possibly the nicest room ever, although my house is a mess-utterly unrespectable-but if you live in the college area-it's apparently "suppose to be like this." I use to think that I slummed it at the dorms thinking it doesn't get worse right, or that people who live in houses-if they can, why can't I? Yea, I miss the days of HS, truthfully-some people say HS sucks, but me, i'm like it was better then anything-you learned, you got out at 2:30-I had no hmwk, you went to the gym, went home and had someone cook for you, either hang with friends/net/or mall and then just watch prime time telly, shower, and go to sleep. It was fab, here, I cook or eat by myself or sometimes with my roommates, two I hardly see, I watch tv a lot, I study a lot, am I drinking-no, am I smoking-no, am I getting manis and pedis-no, am I going shopping-no, so yea, basically it's been exciting...yea right. Although, one thing I do miss is that I love to be driven around-it gives me a calm and serenity about me-which I missed while living in the dorms, so now i'm doing that whole slumming it on the bus with an occasional hottie or too, and yea, it's definitely made me a lot more serene and calm. FYI: if you're a male and very masculine, a mini ipod decreases the masculinity-regardless of it's in silver. So yea, i've gotten myself organized in this new life of my for a year, and I realized that I don't think I could ever live by myself-it's so lonely, I mean, really, even tough I always think my parents are lonely-but they have each other, I just need the presence of someone else-which I don't have, I have to cats-which I am semi-allegeric too-which isn't a good thing so I don't want them in my room-so yea, i'm really confined in here with Andy. In the dorms I always knew people where there, so even though I didn't talk to them-I still knew someone was there, unlike here i'm the last to leave and the first one to come back. I guess i'm still really lonely right now, but I mean, it's only really at night, because during the day I do the whole email/msg thing then do studying and my roommates are back so then it's fine, but right now, I stare into my empty room and i'm thinking-it's so lonely and ponder that my life after this will probably be lonely. Like it will be that part in the Wedding Planner when Jenny from the Block goes home and makes herself a microwavable dinner and eats in front of the telly. I would hate that, not that i'd want to go out and glam it up a la SATC every night, but it'd be so lonely to just go to work, go home and prep to go to wokr again-so sad. Anyways, will head off to bed-because i've realized i'm so regular now with sleeping-I love it, also it makes me sad because last year I realized I was really "sad" to put it nicely and that's why A. I got fat B. I couldn't sleep C. was emotionally drained that further lead to being physically drained. It makes me sad because I let it happen to me, it was literally something I couldn't control or pick myself up from, it was a disease that as unforgiving. Anyways, another day awaits.