No. 205

Loneliness, balance, speechlessness. It all occurs, and it's how you deal with or the question should be, how one does not deal with it. Through this quarter, it hasn't been life or death, but there seems to be too many downs then ups. Nor did I have this pinnacle, well yes, I did, but that's my naviete that got to me, but this quarter is almost over, and what do I feel like, during a point I was in despair, but now, I think, why not, as Tommy Lee says, "My life doesn't suck." I can't understand other peoples' lives and I can't fathom what occurs in them, I can only be myself, and myself is good enough, because what can I aspect. I aspect the best, and everything to be the best, while people oh so dear to make, don't expect the best, they expect the effort of the best. I have to say that I realized that this quarter may have been a short snip of the "Real World" as in the show, not like, BAM the real world hit me. I mean, i've gone through a lot, I wasn't some kid scrouging for some buck so I could go buy a Big Mac since apparently all college students are broke, don't study, party it up, and have nothing to think about, me, i've been ridden with all sorts of not dilemmas, but more as situations to deal with. No one has been there for me, and i've stood alone, and you know what, I didn't fall, I leaned, but I didn't fall. I've realized the saying that true friends are hard to come by, but in the last four years, I haven't laughed as I have laughed this quarter, something that I truly miss, I may have never laughed as I do this quarter then I have in my 18 years of my life, something I will value and treasure for the rest of my life. College is an experience, it's not as the movies or sitcoms have depicted or that anyone can tell me about, everyone will have their own experiences, and my are uniquely me. Regardless the fact that I still think there is only "one" of me, it's still true, I haven't found my compliment, nor have I found someone exactly like me, not exactly, but share the same situations that I have gone through. I've been with people who have led a day here day there life, and they think nothing of it. It's been fun, all the tears, sweat-yes I did sweat, and laughter brought me new views, not a new person, not a new anything, just new views, it hasn't changed me, not for the worst of the better, but it's made me realize, not made, but let me realize what occurs in other lives besides mine. Something that is great, an observation, the true thing that I cherish, it lets you, "take it as you will."