No. 200

Um.... what's wrong with blogger. I wrote something before and it didn't publish or something...

Anyways, something calls to me to do blogger again, not "do" persay, but I know what I mean.

I've become this reading machine. No longer to I really care what people thing, and Tiffany, Abercrombie, Helly, Marc, Christian or Tom are not my friends anymore, we're just acquaintances, and Sarah Jessica doesn't really fit into my whole new "college lifestyle..." Well, at least i'm not into the whole unabomber I love green and am into the whole smoking to we die look here. Anyways, reading reading readin, I average like 120 pages of reading a night, I am currently a head, but school still pertifies me, at least it hasn't made me cry right. Oh, and college to me is college. There is nothing oh so great about and it doesn't suck either. I mean, to me, it's a life process. I never had to do anything that let me "earn" my way into college, I come here by default. It's true, I don't deserve to be here and I don't know what to say about it. As for changing, I have yet to change drastically. I for one, have always been me and done the things that "represent" me, but I realized to some people, it really changes them as a person. I also realized that when i'm truly alone is when I think, when you're with people, you want to make it light and happy, don't ask me to explain why. While being alone, being here, in this realm of education, I understand why people are so miserable, why people go suicidal, why things happen the way they are. I also realized that no matter what I do in life, there will be no one like me. I thought i'd be going to cllege and maybe finding someone "like me," but it's highly undoubted that I will. I mean, I live in the gray area while everyone is stuck in either the white or black area. I will be permanently belonging to the population of "me" and only "me," not tha ti'm greedy or what, but THERE IS NO ONE LIKE ME. I mean, now I get why soroities and other people like to be unified and together, I for one cannot have any of these situations, so I am forced to live alone, to be by myself and you know what, i'm ok with it...