No. 306 Sometimes you have to drive fast to find your roots again

These past weeks have been a series of blurs for me...none of which I felt prepared for.

I graduated. Yes, amazingly in four years, technically, 3 years and 2 quarters though I couldn't bare to leave college earlier, instead, I just took 10 credits each quarter instead of 15. This did not alleviate my stress level as I was in and now in constant fear of LAW SCHOOLS, though there is nothing I can do now, my undergrad career is over-enough said and done. And you know what, I wouldn't relive it all over again, and if I did, I would ignore the money aspect, stumble about like a drunken wreakness girl that I wannabe instead of finding the best deals on books, and oh yea, I would have studied more, no not even that, but I would have just told myself, "why are you toying with the fact of law school, you are going to go, that is it and no that grade is not acceptable, you are going and you need to focus, stop putting around bitch." That's what I want to say to myself, specifically during my first two-three years of college, while everyone kept telling me that "you need to live the college experience and breath it and blah blah blah," yea, I lived and breathed it and my grades stunk of halitoastis.

I went to my graduation ceremonies, and I felt ill prepared. Why, because everything I owned was in a cramped college and everything was wrinkly. I waited until last minute to send out announcements because I wanted to send a picture. I had so man yissues, and figuring out what to wear just wasn't on the agenda. I realized though that I won't miss college as much as I miss HS. HS was the easy years you know, guranteed to get into a college, going out with friends, to the gym, leisurely shopping. College = no boys, can't hang out with friends because I didn't do a paper, no gym-no time, no leisurely shopping, and the amount of money I racked up didn't help either and the negative amount of bread in the dorms caused me to go to carb heaven at home-a deadly mix...

Anyways, what I really came to vent is why do people who have had boyfriends, break up, need to get back into a relationship? Why can't you be single? I do not understand, frankly, I really like being single not that i've hardly been a "couple" but I mean, no, I am not sharing with a guy my food, no I will not go shopping with him and no I won't go watch baseball-tennis or soccer maybe, but no, no sport watching, and no I don't play mario kart-I can't even get pass the level 2. Also, no, I am not going to be your babe in your sporty car, no I don't care where you bought your fragrance and no you will not fucking dress me and I won't do the same to you-unless you look like a Ludacris wannabe-but then again, I highly doubt i'd be with you. Honestly, sure, of course, someone to hang out with, go to movies, go to random stuff, eat, eat, and eat, and just hang out, sure, but it's not a priority. Why do some people make this so? I Don't understand, why can't you just be single for like a milisecond man? Also, what bugs me is that the fact that you live in the same city as me and no, you don't bother to hang out with me, why, because you are too busy chasing your boy...ugh it just irritates me, but I mean, I guess a part of me is like, 'you could spend time with me" but I do understand that boys are important, which leads me to driving fast and going back to my roots...

Driving fast on a freeway, out to Northbend, it led me to realize that no, I am not that Gucci loving, Mercedes driving, Rolex wearing, materialistic bitch that people claim or I seem to be perceived as. Though many people don't realize this, but damn I am proud of where I am from, this small town in the middle of my state, and god damn man, I loved it there, life was simple. It's here were money is king and if you don't have it then I don't know what you are going to do. I realized that I am really down to earth-not in that sense that I will go camping with you, but realistically, if you already judged me for living in a small town-then it's over, I dont' judge, I do, everyone judges, but I can look beyond that judgement and not just focus on it. I realize that people think they are the shit sometimes-sure sometimes you are, most times you aren't...

Let me break it down, driving a Benz means nothing, maybe a Maybach, wearing a Rolex means nothing-there's this thing where people get them used and or on payment plans and I don't care if it's a presidential, wearing Gucci is not sufficient-and if I ever see that horsebit or the "boots that are so Gucci" again I will gag, logos don't make you better than everyone else-even if they are Goyard with handpainted crests, living in a million dollar house means nothing nor having a gardner, nanny, maid or any house hold help, so no, don't talk to me about where you live or what you do-because it means nothing and no, don't talk to me about how your dad just gave you a hundred dollars or how you bought this and that. I don't want to hear it, not because i'm jealous, it's because you are what Paris says is "hungry" or desperate and it's really pathetic, I don't want to hear it or see it. Your life does not own you, you own your life. Take that in perspective, and it only took me a drive out to the country to realize this.

Moreover, has anyone tried Veet. Ok, I guess my legs don't look as tan as her but did anyone mention that that shit reeks like gods knows what? What is that smell? I love toiletries, but this is foul? It's like literally burning off my leg hair, this is not normal, why do people do this? I don't get it...

But yes, I realize though my last weeks of introspect is that when I see people that have that "i am so much better than you attitude," I think, "you have never seen anything yet." I also say, it means nothing unless you own, have, or do things that make are on top of specified lists. So, even though your car that you are driving is said to be the Top 15, and it happens to be ghe 14th-that doesn't count, Top is the Top 5 max and i'm being generous.