No. 258

THIS IS SO WEIRD. BLOGGER CHANGED ON ME AGAIN. But this time, I like it, I really do.

Ok, so pressing things, my arrival of my long lost relatives...the relevation of my life while reading Willa Cather's The Professor's House. Specifically, about two questions: Would you live your life differently if you had a chance to live it again and What are you relaly hear on earth for? Also, Devil Wears Prada.

Ok, so my relatives.

Ok, so doing some studying on China/HK/Taiwan, seeing my long lost Taiwanese friend-she looks so pretty. Also, I noticed in HS that she always this tape on her eye. Then, watching MTV, Suchin Pak was saying how Asians get the double eye lid surgery-omg,she wanted a fold in her eyelid. SO WEIRD. So, realizing that China does not have a middle class right now. Also realizing that no longer are home keepers Chinese anymore, they're filipino. Not that it's a bad thing, but well you know, the plight of other Asian groups. So, my relatives, all from HK, Bangkok, Vanny BC, they don't come often, the ones from HK, Bangkok come like every 2-3 years or either my dad goes. I haven't been back to HK in 11 years. So, I realize this, as my looking at pictures of my aunt's incredibly cute twins, one girl, one boy-how perfect right. Also, a lady that is filipino holding each one. I didn't know there were two. The two twins were in separate pictures with one filipino lady holding each one, the two filpino ladies looked exactly a like. Ok, so my thing was, do kids really need to wear Dior Bebe and do kids, two kids need their own nannies? Like, back in the day when my mom and dad where kids-made sense-there were lots of kids and cheap labor and blah blah blah, but now, come on, I don't think two kids need to have their own nannies. So, i'm thinking, cuz I'm always confused with my "place on earth" and "where I stand," i'm thinking, holy shit, these kids are going to be either mega spoiled and not realize what the rest of HK is living in-poverty-substandard living, or either they're going to know, yet not care, or just know and be a wildchild and try to change the world.

Another thing that pissed me off, but I realized I can't have my cake and eat it too. So, I always felt it was incredibly sad that the demise of my older relatives would come, and that I would be relativeness. It's truee, the cousins don't really talk that much, or at least the one cousin that supposed is so bestest with my cousin close to age doesn't talk to me because I have nothing to offer, but of course my mother. Also, she makes me feel like shit all the time, obviously i'm not like those haute couture models and blah blah blah-but you think u'd at least try to be fucking nice right, but no, it's cool though, cuz I mean, what can you do right. Like I hate the fact that she gets me a shitty gift for the sake of getting a gift, but then not getting a gift at all even though her mother is coming while the other aunt's children actually picked stuff up. It was thoughtful and nice and more politically correct-like anyone could use it even my dad if he really wanted to go metro, but her, it's like come on. I mean, when I was a kid, I was a mean kid to one of my cousins, whatever, but now i'm thinking of it, ok, if u're not poor, just fucking suck it up and give something nice or don't give a thing at all. Seriously, and no one is poor, they all have their own boats-given small ones, but still.

Just like i'm really disappointed that my aunts didn't go see my great aunt simply because airfare is too much. I would be like, fucking suck it up and buy the ticket because we all know she won't be here for a long time, but i'm not them, so whatever right.

That's why, I look at my family and it just seems so dysfunctional sometimes. It's like right now two people are duking it out for a marriage while people are dying all over the world. Like it ain't even worth the high blood pressure, but that's someone's sad sad life. Speaking of sad...it's like my friend's sad life.

So her brother died, and not by suicide, but he was depressed. Someone killed him, he drowned-the ultimate horrow in death, not even a bullet to a main organ. He died, foul play was involved, but small towns don't do that, so the close is closed and no investigation. The family knows what went down, and that lucky bastard has his own kid and wife too. What is sad is that my friend said that that guy gets to see his family when she can't, but WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT HUH? NOTHING, i'm going to sit here and just rant about it. Like i'm going to rant about who names their kid Apple?

So for Willa Cather and those all knowing questions. If people asked what I would do differently if I were to live my life over again, I would say, that I lived it and that was that. I don't need a second chance, you hardly get one in life, so there's no reason why I should suffer/survive a second life.

Furthermore, what am I really hear for life. As shown in my many different blogs, I realize i'm here for higher thinking. Maybe one day I will write a book. It could very well happen. If I don't publish it, at least i'd have it, at least my family or my friends would read it and realize a higher thinking then what the world is accustomed too. My thinking isn't elitist, it's not higher, maybe more complex, but it's a new way of thinking, and I think that's the one reason i'm here, after all i'm going to or hope to be a lawyer-whatever we help people, get big businesses out of shit, who cares, big different, but not that significant, because I know a lot of great thinkers-not only the ones published, but the ones living right now right here are doing their job and over analysis doesn't help us realize what we're really here for.

So, read another book in two days, record, sorta. Devil Wears Prada. Ok, so apparently, highly anticpated book, not that great. So yea, there's a heinous demanding bitch of an editor. Gee, I never realized. Come on, whatever. Written well, not bad, but I mean, highly hyped, relaly woudn't. I kind of enjoyed the complexity of Four Blondes instead.

I feel like one of those Chinese movies, when clearly the credits have rolled and in the end they have to say "The End" because apparently people are stupid enough not to realize it's the end, but i'll just say "That's All Folks."