No. 215

Grooving to: Craig David-Slicker Than Your Average
Book: Good in Bed-Jennifer Weiner

This is a great montage if I would like to say, from Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner.

"Love is the rug they pull out from under you. Love is Lucy always lifting the football at the last second so that Charlie Brown falls on his ass. Love is something that every time you believe in it, it goes away. Love is for suckers, and I'm not going to be a sucker ever again."

I'm not sure if I agree with this statement, but god, it's a good one.

Journals and fame

I was randomly reading journals, actually peoples' journals I knew during my high school days, those days that seem so far, yet so close. I know, an irony, but when you go home and then back to the dorm, it seems they are so far, yet so close. Ok, so this one girl writes about how her journal is now abled to be searched and found on yahoo. Well, it turns out that mine is as well, as well as msn too and possibly among other search engines that I have yet to look through. I mean, the searching isn't going through piles and piles of links, it's actually readily available, easy to find, something a tad shocking and something so ironic. When I started this, I wanted a place to vent, a place to be heard and realized, and now, I guess i've gained my recognition. It's odd, because life works in funny ways, I've always wanted something, and when you get it, you don't quite realize it, and if you do, it somehow got twisted or jumbled together like my InStyle in the dorm mail box. I am forever peeved because at least the first 30 pages gets a tattered look, something I don't find fashionably chic, regardless of how many worn out tattered looking ensembles that seem to be hitting stores and runaways.

I've come to enjoy this whole diary thing again. I think I just let it get the best of me, always finding things to write about or venting about something so superificial was the end of me, a me that has forevered died, well maybe nto forevered died, but is taking an extended break. I mean, yes, I see way to many unabomber-esque green lovers in my parts, but it seems that I just look and move on. Yes, I do the Mahattan once over (Shopaholic Ties the Knot), but I don't seem to care as I use to, I just take it, say wow, what an interesting choice of attire, and I move on. Also, I realized that I've become conscientiously chic, yes, not chic just randomly, but chic as in I make an effort with accessories and I'm proud of myself. I mean, I have this kick ass wardrobe, not by LA or NY standards, but after watching the What Not To Wear show on TLC, I realized that I have a lot of stuff I can put together, it's just the effort needed.

I've even begin to appreciate nature, well more like landscaped nature, but I mean, I enjoy it, as in, I actually seek it out, versus it always being there and I pray to god that no unsightly animal crosses my path- i.e. warms and spiders. I think i've finally got it together, I mean, I've got great fam, great friends, great everything, I just don't realized this, maybe it's because i'm such a spoiled person, but I think that's the wrong word. I mean, I want something, I get it, why isn't that called successful, drive, what have you, why is it that I seem to be a brat, yes I have tons of material items, but I mean, we all know material items don't make you happy and I just happen to acquire them, it's no big deal. Also, college is a whole new realm. No one in class will be saying, is that a Rolex, omg, is it real or fake, god, I can't believe that is last year's Abercrombie, it's in the trash now. I mean, no one cares anymore, the chicer you look, the more props you get, not jealousy and rage from your friends, which also reminds me that I totally forgot one of my bags, christ, and it's at home, and I don't get how I have so much shit at the dorm and so much shit at in my room, although I have been spending less? I just don't get it. Seriously, maybe i'm feeling my closet with excess air or something that I can't see?

I think i've changed, wait, I know I have changed. I see things for what they are, but I don't dwell on what isn't there, but I am grateful for what I have, something that would have not happened before.