No. 195

My question: sorta tying into that whole Life Lessons Learned if you think about it. How am I suppose to keep this thing. Fate said no, but then he took it back, when I read the whole "welcome" issue of The Daly, UW's newspaper. I know, it's a newspaper, sure it's packed with adds, but it's quite hefty in size, it makes me feel important, I mean, sure BHS had it's own newspaper, but it sure wasn't printed daily, but then again 1300 is a lot different from 35,000. The paper said some list about how all these things one should do, and one was keep a journal. Obviously, I'm not doing it by hand because I write like a snail and when I write fast, I write really sloppy and I hate it. I figure, maybe I should bash businesses and people I know, but then again, it's like am I suppose to keep the previous jetta boy out of it. I mean, I don't know him, but he might be offended if he read this thing, which I highly doubt, but what if? I mean, everyone's heard about the seven degrees of seperation, no, I know I am connected through him because he probably goes to the UW or something like that and I could trash it back. I don't know. I'll be more aware of what I write, but whatever, not right now, I can't explain it, it's hard.

In San Francisco, I found myself with the hardest thing, something I realized and greatly affects myself while everyone is shaking their head saying "no, you're not like that." I've alway came to the assumption that if someone did date they were possibly gay. Totally wrong now, why, because I realized I had so much in common with someone I closely known, not closely, but pretty closely. So, we have the same temper, we don't have lots of friends, or many of them are immature. We're getting old and we don't date. We're family orientated too. We like bargains and can never bring outselfs to buy that ridiculous prized Prada School bag fro the whopping price of 600 bucks because it's only nylon, yet we want it. It's odd, because I always though gayiness was at bay and how they suffering was so sad. I realized, I am this person, just the younger version. What if I never date and become an aging person. I mean, I have cease to date, what if all those people babbling about "you haven't lived until you have loved" or some crock like that is actually true. Seriously, i'm really one in a million and so is my cousin. There aren't clones like us on the other side of the earth, maybe not even males. We're seriously odd little duckys, not like oh we have some deformity, but we've grown up so differently. What was also shocking is while driving back to SM, I realized that this guy in some Benz exactly like the one I drive, azn, and totally cute, maybe too lanky, was in a similar situation, but I think his mom owned the Pzazza Starbucks, I failed, he's not like me, he had the feeling of it when I was in the care, that driftiness one looks like. I thought he was my soul mate when I saw him again, I was wrong.

E320

I don't know. I saw it, we drove it, we didn't buy it yet. It has a panaroma roof, that was truly awe worthy, I was drooling and all giddy at the same time, but it's too late, why because i'll never sit in that car again since i'm at the dorms. While I was little and always in the back sit for hours on end going home from some weekend destination, that could have come handy, since I always made wishes on stars, well not anymore, they never come true, or maybe i'm not wishing right...