No. 100

This is my 100th post. WHOA!?!

Lil' Bow Wow among other man or um boys?

Ok, so it just dawned on me, Bow Wow is like what, 15 at the most, and he's got these girls who are probably in their mid twenties in his videos? Why is that guys can look at any girl whether she is under or older than he is, but when girls do the same, they're deemed as these let's simply put it, as some freaks, gold diggers... what have you. I know why, and if anyone would take a careful look into society and it's past, they'd know.

My mom says I have to be "humble."

My friends gave me this gift, they really shouldn't have, but they did. Alison, Jen, and Erika gave me 60 bucks for Hawaii. It's not like I need it or anything, it was the thought that counts. What I don't quite understand is my mom says I need to "be more humble when you write the letter (thank you)_to them." Also, I "need to be humble because not everyone has what I have." See, I kinda knew this diary was bad, i've basically stated it out on in the open, and now I actually talk about these thought provoking subjects to my mother, and now she probably thinks i'm some superficial materialistic selfish brat. What am I gonna do? I've realized this too, not in that little kid way, but more on a mature level I guess if there was ever one, but it's not like I always want things, but I keep critizing people and their possessions. What am I suppose to do, I mean, I can't stop being who I am, yet I totally can't shut the hell up? I don't want to either, i've realized what the world is full of and it's brought me to a whole new light, I might not like it though, it makes me negative and cynically and it totally makes me generalize and pre-judge some people. For instance, today was the dictate for French. Usually they're this guy whose kinda not that smart as everyone assumes and the class always feels regrettful to who ever is his partner. I fear him the most, and I got partnered with him for the dictate. Well, he's really not that stupid, in fact, he's pretty damn smart! Actually, smarter than me today. I was quite shocked because everyone says he's kinda ahhhhh... so I was thinking the same, so much for generalizing right. I hate myself for being the wanter all the time, yet I can't help it, and when I look at other people, they're even worst than me. I just realize that i'm a horrible person and I let people know it, and let them judge for themselves. Am I really that horrid of a person? I'm secretly good, even though when brought upon material items it brings my "heart of the darkness" out.

Jaguar Ford made verisons, i.e. the fatty

So, my mother is driving down this road of 30 miles an hour. There's this Jag, you know, the drivers who think they're all that because they have the cheapest version fo the new jag even though it's the cheapest version- the version made by ford exclusively. Well, my mom is driving 40, the lanes are about to merge, and the lady cruises by or more likes rushes by and the wind from the unaerodynamic car totally makes it noticable probably cruising at around 50 miles an hour, passes and than guess what, slams on the brakes probably to the point of almost absing and than she proceeds to come to a full halt to turn left. Being the old lady that my mother is, she almost wants to yell at the fool, this is what the world has come to, and this is why it makes me mad. Not because they're driving a new jag, i'm happy, you're helping out the new economy and no way in hell is that person ever competing with me since I'd never buy some ford shit under jag's name with the lincoln engine, but the fact that they're actions express what Bellevue embodies. It makes me wonder what all the other high schools say about us, I'm sure they say a lot or a little, but they're not nice things. I just see these drivers and these people who back about four years ago, use to wave and smile while you walk by, now they push you by simply because you're in their way. No way am I afraid of this, i've dealt with this, I just find that they have no manners or upbringing to be respectful of other people... money is truly the root of all evil.

My new denim.

I have a b-day party at CF and I plan to wear my new denim skirt, it's Saturday probably at 11. My deal is this or either it's my gripe: so, Bee's yaking to Dionne and they're talking bad about Kim... Kim all of a sudden opens the door and see's them, does not say a thing, and walks by. I think I got beef again. Last year, she was totally bitter because I didn't invite her to my party, even though I know that she wouldn't go nor would anyone like her there. This year, I think I got beef again. Secondly, I think I made this mistake to my friend Liz. She invited me to her b-day party, I couldn't go, Dionne openly said she could go to my party. Although I know Liz is totally forgiving, never says anything, totally sweet, I secretly feel bad. What am I gonna do? I mean she's cool, but she's not part of the ol' krew, that's my b-day party theme, the ol' krew, so I made sure all my ol' krew peeps were there. I hate the politics of a party, literally, I use to laugh when my mom would say that she couldn't invite so and so because so and so hates that person and yada yada, this is the reason why i'm glad i'll never be some lavish Martha Stewart party hostess.

I am going to get parfum...

I'm going to do it, i'm going to go and get at least RL Romance, i'm going to do it, and I might possibly get Glamourous too, that might be a stretch, but I might. I'm going to do it, this Saturday either before or after CF, i'm going to do it. I CAN DO IT, that's what i'm telling myself over and over again. I CAN DO IT, and no, not in that Adam Sandlerish movie when that guy screams, "U CAN DO IT!... ALL NITE LONG..." No, not in that way, more of as a Martha Stewart with an added peep of Barbara Walters ok. I can do it ::does a little buddha prayer:: Please, just let me buy the damn parfum. The reason why I think i'm buying parfum, is not because i'm going to smell nice for a guy, or much likes for me, but i've realized i've run out of things to buy. That is one of the one too strong of a reason to buy parfum. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it...

Goddess_333