No. 101 B

Ok, this is just an FYI type of deal to the how i'm such a horrid person.

I figured out why, because I actually use words to articulate what i'm feeling and speech, which in some ways make me feel like i'm slandering someone, yet the fact is it is completely true. When I say it in my journal, it's probably less harmful because no one knows about it, and it's more calming and not totally damning to that person in particular and all those people who probably think i'm a horrid person for saying those things. I had thanked my Great Aunt No. 5 for this Chinese cookbook that she got my mother and I. Well, I mean it's great and everything, never gonna use it, but it's the thought that counts. That's the basic, but that's not what she did, but it's what others are doing to her. So, my cousin Dawn got one too, and her mother got one too. Now, her mother is the one that wishes that her daughter is miserable, so she can be happy type of mother. I know, how horrid. The mother goes and calls my Great Aunt, which she never does to say thanks and everything. Dawn sent a card, totally expected of her for being a good person, she's like that, but her mother is a whole different subject. This is the person when we go over to their house, we get these shitty towels and all this because we're "guests," while her beloved relative of god knows what his face gets new pillows, yes, she goes and buys new pillows for that dude, yet totally does nothing for us, not even make sure we have shampoo and conditioner. Ok, so this deal I finally figured is another trait of hers as well as many other people are they look at you and see what you can do for them, hence my father can't do shit for her. After all, when her husband dies, my father's brother, my uncle, she'll get everything and live her happy life, she's like 10 or so years younger than him, so she's gonna be cruisin for the rest of her life. My father can't do the damn thing, since i'll probably get everything and no way in hell a unblooded Tse will get anything from my father. I swear, some people, they just can't be nice for the sake of being nice, they have to be nice for the sake of some hidden agenda? Do they realize they're doing this? Sure, you can say it's protecting you're self, but how can you protect yourself when you're being racist or what have you. I mean, it's one thing for some student to say, "if you do this, i'll do this" or you know how guys are always like, "let me buy you a drink...," in hopes of we all know what, or if not, as that "memorable guy." It seriously saddens me, although we saw we're the superpower and yes they technically live in Canda, there are a whole lot of people that are like this. Sometimes I say I don't want to do this or that everyone controls what I do, but myself. Well, for these instances regarding social relations, I do things because I want to do them. It goes with my birthday party too, I mean I think about the politics about it and I use to always invite people that I know HAD to be invited, now I guess i'm old and don't care what people think, or at least about that matter, that I saw, "you got beef, well keep fuming, cuz i ain't changing a damn thing." Yes, I don't care anymore about it. I guess I realize that when people do certain things, it makes me understand what type of person they are. After all, everyone has a category, yet they stand alone. Everyone belongs to different categories and various ones that mingle together. In a way I feel sad, not because it's her and I totally thought she was god, but the fact that the human condition is of this manner. I swear when I was in a small town, ML, I had no enemies, but people who I weren't fond off, everyone seemed happy dandy and the worst people were put up on a pedestal to see, it just saddens me that i've uncovered this part of human nature that I wish I didn't, sure it makes me stronger and all that shit they say to make you feel better, but deep down, it's truly sad. Sad like the achievement of the American dream, or the lack of it. You'd think the small towns were Jerry Springer-equse, I haven't experienced this yet, probably because I'm not living there now where people could be having affairs and all that. It's something I wouldn't know, and if it turned out bad, I rather not know at all.

BTW: I love that new Blockbuster commercial with the rabbit and the other furry animal who are all shaking it for the world to see!

Goddess_333