FUCK YOU YOU BITCH

I am so pissed off right now that I could like literally go outside and use the shovel we have and knock the pillars of our deck. Yes, god, I can't believe this is happening with me and I don't know what this means. I'm taking the LSAT Oct. 1, and it seems this week I have been plagued with bad luck and just bad whatever, and is it karma, I don't know because I don't recall ever doing anything bad to myself. A few instances and also it seems to be happening to other people too:

Today, at work, a boy had issues with his car and maintence and the people were being a dick about it. Today, a co-worker wore all black-she usually is trendy, colorful and vibrant. Yesterday, the people I usually buy lunch with were kind of mocking me in that type of tone where I don't appreciate it. A lady called to say that she felt disrespected because something happened..."get in line honey." This week, like the loser I am, my parents didn't come and pick me up after work, I had to wait 30 minutes later, um...we have cell phones and I don't think it's adequate to call at 3-when I get off work to tell me that you're not there yet, why can't you call earlier-it at least gives me a head up so I can make a few more dollars or do something with my time properly. A few days ago I stabbed myself really badly with the hooks on my bra, like it went into my nail bed-ow. Today, I slipped on a fucking magazine. Also today, weddings give me a headache, I fucking don't care about this shit, and as long as they have sizes 2-26, I don't give a flying fuck about what one is more appealing and no, I will not go try shit on before my LSAT. And no, I am not GOD of computers and there isn't anything "technical" that I can fucking do to make the other person opening the email figure out how to open the picture. I don't live in that vicinity and it would get me a freaking G4 and all the amentities to get me over there to fix it. People who are on diets are damn cranky, and who fucking wants to put their meat on a scale so they can weigh that it is exactly 3 oz. I don't think that works in REAL life and I do not think that you can bring a scale into a restaurant. Also, I realized I can't fix my fucking printer and have had ink on my hands for the last 2 days, to it makes me look like a dirty person-I really am not. Also, I wasted a mass amounts of q-tips and kleenex trying to fix it-it didn't work. The bread I bought at Costco freaking as this bitter shit taste to it-making all my sandwiches this week bad, why did I have to do that-I never buy bad bread. I seem to be strugglings with the LSATs. Oh, and I made chili, then when reheating and upon the repeatedly "put it on high or it won't boil" it ended up burning. So that 1 hour of cutting and chopping lead to semi burnt chili. What is worse, trying to stir the burnt shit in-WHAT THE HELL? And then, repeatedly blaming it on me, when in sense, yes, it was my fault, for listening to my elders. Having my mother tell me that Jenny Craig is really great and that she would "pay for it" as well as my aunt saying that. You know what would be fucking great and probably the reason why I won't be fat, if A. I could see a statement of the money that is used for my college fund so I wouldn't feel the need to be fucking poor, then buying the cheap blue books 15 cents compared to 30, then suffering because i'm so fucking paranoid that i'll run out of space. B. Try to get me a car, because presently I still get picked up and dropped off most of the time by my parents via work-yea, and then people aka my aunt is like he's going to take you to work, well yea, because I live with rich people and rich people drive cars, so there are no buses, so yea, he will still drive me. Oh yea and I saw this article for a Ford Focus, 3,888 bucks right, of course my father would balk at getting a ford focus. He is poor but he wouldn't drive anything besides a Benz or BMW. Such hypocrites, like have you noticed how buddhists drive mercedes-even the monks-WTF isup with that. Getting sick twice from eating food served to me. Not feeling great, making me even sadder. Paper jam at work today, had to stay at work for extra 30 minutes, but then had to shuttle back and forth to tell my dad to wait in the car. Embarassing, yes, getting the extra half hour work, priceless. Also, with Jenny Craig, maybe if I didn't have to worry about the LSAT, school, how to get to school, the shit like "i don't want to take this downstairs why don't you" it's more like "stop just going to your 50 minute exercise, and instead, after each meal, to 30 minutes." Just like Jack just said, "I have thirty minutes of squats a head of me and I don't need to be stressed out" that is what I need to be doing. This damn wedding, and shit like that, it's not until fucking july people. God, and if I got the dress, it wasn't tailored, i'll find some fucking tailor if I have to fly to Thailand to get it done. I don't fucking care, and dude, I don't want to pick my dress out NOW, in SEPT. COME ON MAN, and also, I need some time to get skinny. If I time it right, I can lose like 70 pounds-which I need to do. Like I carry the weight so well, no one knows that I am so fat, but I mean the numers don't lie,and they're like you'll be nothing, and i'm like, that's exactly the point, and I still won't be as skinny as "actresses and Paris." Also, I am not eating at Panda Express. And no, one watches my television but myself. Also, if you can afford something that is like 100 bucks, you can afford something that is 1.50, do the fucking math. While watching SATC, it was this episode where Miranda is dating that dopey guy, not the guy that she keeps in the end, but so he's like waiting by the door, she turns to say goodbye to the girls (she was facing him) then turns back to him to exit door while he is blocking her and then he moves away. That is how I feel, be fucking efficient so get out of my fucking way. Oh, so now I get this email from Epson telling me that they don't have that product in Singapore-HOW DID I GET THE EMAIL FOR SINGAPORE? WHAT THE HELL, and that if I need exist please contact the US one or ifyou're not US or UK, then please contact someone else. Does my life get any more fucking annoying. THen today, while watching what seemed like the greatest movie on earth, I have to aid my dad is his issues. SO I misssed Handsome Rob and Karen is giving Grace some pills, I think I need some too, or "vitamins." God, so yes, I watched The Transporter, wow, amazing and the sound track is to die for, like I bought the cd. Movie not amazing, but damn, he is hot, like hotter then Vin, I think they are swamping places, the Asian people aren't attractive and are stereotypical villain/china doll, but you know, i'm looking past that to see Handsome Rob, god, mega Handsome. Love the Brits, or at least the ones in TV, who knows if rest of the world have bad teeth. I realized my family works well, we have such a large house we all have our own area, we only get together to eat, talk shit about each other, and like "chill for family time-this occurs when we all have nothing better to do." The only thing that is working well for me is that i'm watching Will and Grace on lifetime instead of going to sleep-that is the only thing that is making me happy. GOd, I hate being angry and it'sl ike that whoel Mark Walhberg says that he doesn't listen to rap music because it makes him angry-that is how I feel right now, except everyone makes me angry and everything. God, it's like, why do people struggle, if you can't do it, move on, and some how get assistant. Why struggle because you aren't going to figure it out yourself. It's not going to occur. Seriously, like when you get the "ERROR: CAN't POLL FOR NEW MSGS," ok, close out, and try again, if problem persists, then get assistance, and no, there isn't anything "technical" i can do, computers are simplically complicated, but there are no hidden "tricks" not liek dogs, come on, and they are simplically complicated too. If you can't fix the problem, call somoen that can, that's why we play for customer service. And no, you can't tell those people that they suck if they can't solve your problem and they should go to hell. It won't help the problem and you still have a broken something. Yes, so I mean, be nice unless they're mean and ask for the manager who can somehow figure it out, they're just not experienced enough, and like you, you aren't either, that's why you have to call someone and that's why you're not a top 5 CEO. Also, if you want to do something, you can, it's not hard, liek putting together a bed, self explanatory you know, and also why get so fucking excited about things that may not occur. COme on. Why is LIfetime so traumatic, why do they do this, and there is this guy on Strong Medicine that looks so familiar, but I can't figure out who he is. I also missed Wild N Out the good part, the end when they battle rap because I didn't send email right-fuck you I sent it right. I don't want to hear about how something has so many carbs and blah blah blah and I don't want to hear how the cup cake will make me fat, I want to be fat, I choose it, like the Wedding date, you choose your love life, I choose my diet dammit, and i'm choosing the fucking cupcake, at least i'm smart and I don't go and buy 3 dollar cupcakes, but buy a dozen for 5 bucks. Also, while buying cupcakes, it wouldn't scale then said I was buying bananas-WTF? I forgot to take up the trash, fucking sorry man, I just fucking forget, do you want to go and get your shot gun and shoot me? This post is like one big fuck you. Oh and Fuck you Kielhs, because I used that shit of a stuff that smells like ass to get rid of my zit, ok, still there and still fucking hurts even, like now if I open my jaw wide, it hurts- WTF. Yea, it's that drawing paste, this time it did not draw the impurities out. Also realizing, I have to A. tan for wedding B. have flawless skin, also not helpful is because I use to have bad acne and have semi scaring. Also not helpful they like the one dress im so adamantly against. I can think logically, but for some reason the LSAT people say I don't. Oh, Grace is patronizing Will about spending too much tiem together like why they are both hungry together or they can't have coffee together, WHAT THE HELL. I am also fucking sick of people claling my cell when it doesn't work, leaving msgs, and then asking if I got the msg when they see me online and i tell them it doesn't work and tehy say, just listen to the msg. Well, FUCK YOU I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO THE MSG. Yea, that's right, and also, i'm not there to give you a i'm bored talk to me when i feel like i'm jus tth eone talking man. Also, Will made me laugh, he wa slike, " are you feeling horny yet" implying that if she ate a lone that she would find people if she were alone adn not with Will. It's called focusing, I dont' want to be doing stupid shit before the LSATS, like try shit on to figure out which one I look the shittest in and not pick that one. It's like a lose lose, both are cutter and they're white, i'll be the only asian, why bother, no one has yellow fever, it's cool, and plus, because everyone keeps emphasizing where I live, it's not cool. Also, this whole talk of strapless dresses is making me stressed out and I just want to buy one to see how it fits, god...Oh, and 2,000 dollars is not sufficient for the quarter. Maybe if I was like taking one class and maybe if I was like not eating or buying books. GOD, also I haven't gotten my deposit back. Realizing that I may be shuttling from my parents house to my husbands house-not a good thing. Realizing that the meager wages I will make after college makes me sad. Realizing that i'm not getting into a top 20 law school and that i'm probably not going to be graduating top of my class makes me sad too. Realizing the insecurity in my life is scary and no it isn't fucking priceless like those American Express cards. Realizing people bullshit it all around life sucks and is kind of a let down, at least I never claimed those people as "heros" of my life. in fact, I'm greedy and i'm going to say, the only "hero" i see in my life is security blanket-because it has always been there. I was going to say Hello Kitty or Winnie the Pooh, but they both have financial problems, that's nto a hero, that's just stupid management. Realizing that i'm never going to meet a hottie on an elevator and we're going on a date-priceless, sad, and yet, makes me even more angry. GREAT. Also, the rason why I hate driving, knowing that if I were to get into an accident, I may as wlel die because I had just crashed what is like worth a priceless, yet worthless car, that it would be like a 50,000 dollar mistake makes me really uneasy, because I don' thave 50,000. Realizing one day I may have to buy used cars, i'd settle for the 760il though, it's hot and damn fast. Missing Growing up Gotti this week, makes me sad. Las Vegas sucked. the DIVO episode made me feel better. Then it was ruined by less couture and more barfing. Turn the mic of please. Realizing that someone said they did something and perhaps never did it, makes me feel like shit, and makes me feel like punching that person in the face. Realizing people are more about words and less about actions-also makes me angry. YOu know I never had this angry phase in high school like you're suppose to. In HS, I always said that I was so much better then people and really grew up, sometimes I think this, then sometimes i'm like, why am I the angry teenage, because it's past my prime. Also realizing that you want stuff is the ultimate death, realizing you want it all, is the ultimate suicide. Maybe I could be like happy hanging out in the country side making my own food and having a substantial amount to barter an buy stuff with would be great. You know what I want, I want the ability to have things, it doesn't mean I have to have it all-like I don't need all the pieces of Louis Vuitton stuff, but I mean, knowing that I could have the ability to have it, that would be good enough for me. Just like knowing I could have 20 Hermes bags but only getting one that was used, totalyl cool too. Realizing that this rant is probably going to seem like dumb ass shit, I know I feel it and I sense it, finally getting it off my chest and being able to breath calmingly-priceless. A deep breath and sign goes to me. ( I wrote this post at 11:16-I finished at 12:05)...what does that say about either A. my time management or B. that was the best therapy session I ever got for free.