No. 74

Shocked, not bursting a blood vessel though.

I was shocked today, hence my title. I can't believe this happened. It makes me not believe that there are good people in the world besides me, although I tend to have some hidden agendas too. I learned today that someone who I thought was incredible perfect, was well... I just know what i'm thinking and it's not good thoughts though. I can't say anything about it, the reason being, is that words can't describe how I feel. Another thing shocked me, no one ever thinks like me. I was bringing upon a convo in Sherbie's class about how I think i'm such a bad person being what we have and what other developing countries have. I mean, all these things I have, no one will ever be able to have in developing countries. I sit in my house with everything that one needs to survive for a year, and yet there are people in the world that don't even have food. While I push away my delacies, these people might not even have running water. Enough of that though, obviously i'm the only one that cares. One might ask what i'm gonna do about it, NOTHING. Why, because i'm weak and powerless. It's the truth, i'll just have to wait until my older. On that note, I think I want to adopt a panda. It's the truth, I think it'd be interesting and knowing that I'd have my very own panda in the wild that was cared for. It might be very interesting. I don' t know how much they cost, i'm hoping less then 1,000 bucks, if so, i'll ask my parents to get me one. I'm not saying one as in it can eat bamboo in my backyard, but as in adopting one. I think it'd be nice. I think Mrs. Lutz is brushing off on me and I definitely feel for all those animals. Especially the panda because I know how many people can be so heartless, and now I guess it was in China, but it's all over the world, probably to even worster degrees.

Orgasmic Gymboree

I went to the gym today like always. The orgasmic guy was there again. Whenever he works out, he starts to make sex sounds, like AHHHH, OHHHHHH, oooooooooooohhhhhhhh. It's really sick. I swear it was secretly jacking off with the back extension machine. Now it is forever tainted by his noises. I mean, I use to hate how Monica Seles does the whole grunting action while playing tennis. Now, the orgasmic sounds just don't do it for me. I can't imagine if he's married or not. I mean, if he is having orgasms in the gym, what about at home? It just freaks me out.

Fickle is my middle name.

Ok, enough about this guy trauma stuff. I think i've almost on the verge of bursting a blood vessel. All I pray for now is that I won't die unmarried and I better not get divorced. Obviously I have these high aspirations for whatever is going to get stuck with me, but I won't go into that. What I think I need to do, is not pull away from everyone. I mean, I notice from Miss I wanna be like Miss Jewish Princess of Medina that I think sometimes I'm all a multi-tasker that I lack the conversational social skills possible to talk to other people new to me. I think that's what i'll have to do, although i'll probalby be bias. Hence, if I think you're a loser, i'm not giving up my multi-tasking up for you.

UW, WHY? WHY? WHY?

I was just thinking that i'm freaking out about UW again. Well, let me set up the scenario for what I called my bitter dried up prune lady who doesn' t eat so she takes it out on everyone. We met in the hallway, she asks me did I get ACCEPTED into colleges yet. I say yes, 5 out of 6. She says "I hope they were all positive." WTF? Ok, key word ACCEPTED. She's such an idiot, that's why I know that she'll always be a counselor and nothing more and it's her stupidity that will keep her working up to her late 60s. Anyways, I was thinking about Eddie Bauer man. I mean, I'm secretly crying, yet I totally feel for him. I got accepted to GU and he got deferred and has still not heard from them. I mean, if it was me, i'd be completely traumatized. He's smarter, yet I try harder. Obviously GU is pretty smart and knew I was a good student. I have to say that he could possibly be the next CEO. He's going to business and I mean, I look at him and how he doesn't have a girlfriend. I don't quite get the whole dating scene, just like I don't get why Dawn doesn't have one. They're both quiet, it's the only drawback for those two. I don't understand. Well, for Dawn, i'm mean, boys are pursuers, but Eddie Bauer man, you'd think he'd find some semi dorky girl to laugh at his weirdness and teach him the other stores that don't revolve around Eddie Bauer. He's actually got it together, he's the only boy I know that doesn't wear white socks with nice slacks. At least Eddie Bauer taught him something. Oh yea, fickleness, I will ever date a man who wears tennis shoes with his tuxedo or anything of that matter. I simply will not tolerant it, not even if he is a billionaire.

Billionaires of America

So, I was thinking about my whole dating fickleness syndrome. I know that I could never marry a man who was my best friend, but lacked that lover (lack of better word) aspect. I mean, even though we were well off, got along together, but if I was repulsed by his lack of sauveness. I don't think I could go on with it. Not even if I was getting on up with my biological clock and he was pretty stable. It just wouldn't happen, and I wouldn't knowing that I'd probably ask for a divorce. We had this discussion last year, and peopel were all saying that they'd marry someone for money and then get a divorce. I don't think i'd ever be able to do that. I know, it's sad, i'm not shallow like the rest of the world who only wants to floss.

My Birthday

I'm looking forward to my mid-winter vacation, which includes my birthday. Entirely excited because i'll get to stay home, watch dvds on my own dvd player on my fave comfy lumpy couch with Lucky. Ok, i'm going to do things my way and i'm not going to please anyone because well, damnit it me and this is what I want. Even though I mostly get what I want. I'm doing this, i'm only going to invite people I truly care about to my birthday party, plus Miss Anime Freak. She's totally bugs me, but there are times when she is incredibly nice. I also am not going to take any party crashers or any uninvited people period. It's going to be a neat simple group and we're going to gorge ourselves at the Cheesecake Factory. I'm especially not going to be cheap and pull a Miss Anime Freak saying we should all share entrees. I ask myself, "Why am I so frugal?" I mean, it's not like I have to be extremely careful and you only live once. That's what i'm doing, i'm living my once and only 18th birthday.

Goddess_333