No. 80

Music Tastes changes, not anything else...

I just realized that I think POD, Nickelback, and Creed have great songs. They're not great aesthically if you all know what I mean, I don't dig that I step on my shirt millions of times then put it on look... Anyways, I was all into this whole I guess you can say, pretty music is what I call it, pop is what others call it. I just realized that everyone changes. At first I thought everyone was the same and kept telling myself lies about how ML and Bellevue people are still the same, plain and simple, they're not. I don't really see how i've changed. Maybe that's my problem, i'm unable to change positively or negatively. The only thing different is on the outside, and obviously that was going to change, I was going to find bigger and better things, one may ask who would find better things then Rolex, Kate Spade, and Tiffany's? Trust me, i'm just on the cusp of what is waiting for me. It brings forth my new subject...

Levels, it's all levels...

Today it totally made sense with me. I'd always shove people down because they weren't in the same "class" as me. I just realized what Joseph Conrad was saying, that everyone lives on different levels. Everyone believe's that they're level is the biggest and the best simply because they haven't experienced different levels. I totally believe this and know for a fact it's true since I've lived in two different worlds, lush life in Medina and nit and gritty life in Moses Lake. I think everyone lives on different levels and for other people to mock how they live it totally absurb, just because they're not like you or I, we totally have this full fledge to knock them down. Materalistically, someone may think God is Gap, someone may thing D & G is or shall I say Pineapple gods, someone may think Bijan is god? It's all different levels, just like how all the rappears wear the Presidental Rolex, they don't know any better and they think it's the best watch out there. They're totally out of it, because there are so many watches like Patek Phillipe and Constantine that make Rolex an average looking watch.

Backing up...

After this whole analysis of thinking about everyone on different levels. I just realized how stupid i've been. I've always told myself lies about how they're truly below me and i've the utmost supreme. Well, it's human nature to say you're the best, if you don't, then you must have low self esteem and if you're still saying now, you're just lying to yourself. Who am I to tell people how they should live they're lives and what they should strive for? It's in the Constitution for what they should do, and yea, i'm a Goddess, but seriously, who has the right to judge what should do with my life besides yourself? I'm stupid though because I still let "society" judge me and more importantly my parents. It's only natural since they're my financial backers, but who am I, I to judge people? Does it really matter to me what people listen to or what kind of jeans are they wearing whether it's Sergios or Old Navy? Also, why would I want to make them see my light, all it means is that they're going to be competing for what I want.

How many times I saw I?

Ok, this is my character flaw, I saw I, and I can say THEM, but it all boils down to I and how weak I am to fight for THEM. It's a character flaw and i've chosen not to deal with it until something life changing occurs that makes me change my mind. The reason being is that I've realized how much I talk about I and thought to myself that i'm a really obnoxious. Also, someone said that it's human nature to always see something, like it, and want it! It is so true, and all this time I've been feeling bad about how I want stuff. At least I can blame it on someone now :) I'm also totally not happy with my whole shopping escapade. I know when I start to have sex, i'll probably not take orgasming well. The whole deal with shopping as a sport is that you always win, you never feel bad about yourself, unless it's one of those "days" and then we'd just advice not to even do anything.

Sbarros Pizza.

I'm not gonna eat pizza from there in a long time. I felt so gross afterwards that I didn't have breakfast anyways. Tangent semi-ish: I've realized that I definitely need to start to eat to survive, not to eat because well, it's eating? You know what I mean, the how problem is that i'm all into excess. I can eat anything I want, there are no limits to what I can do when it comes to food, literally, so when I want something i'll get it, which means that veggies and fruits are not high on my list. I was watching True Life and there was this lady whose going through the whole Carnie Wilson fat removing thing, then she said something that was so right on, normally those people aren't like me because they're overly obese and they just don't eat right and all and say all these things society wants them to say. She said, " Since the surgery, i'm eating a lot healthier, i've realized when to eat when i'm hungry, not just to eat..." I thought that was so true, this is the reason why i've chosen not to eat breakfast. Reason 1. Because I'm never hungry and often not even hungry when I get to lunch, which means I'm probably storing the food while i'm eating lunch. Reason 2. I believe it's the reason why i can't lose weight quicker, also because I eat huge dinners my mom prepares and go to bed groaning the try to stuff myself at breakfast time. I know it's totally bad to not eat breakfast and how they say all these things about not eating, I still drink juice and I believe it's just the same if not better because i'm not so tired that I fall asleep from being too full. I may be missing nutrients, but I'm guessing even though i'm probably screwing my organs, I have this problem with everyone telling me i'm fat, so therefore I'm choosing to not eat breakfast in the result of that...(I'm actually happy since i've come to this conclusion).

Goddess_333