No. 238

So, it's been a short while right, but yes, relevations have occurred yet again.

Ok, why do I feel enlightened either in the car or while in the bathroom. What is up with that? Apparently, it's my place of serenity or something. life intervened. more later...

When I mean later, I mean, the next day at 10:53. That's what I mean.

Anyways, so i'm back, life intervened on me, how sad huh? It's ironic, when you're waiting nothing happens yet when you're in the groove, all hell breaks loose. Literally this time it really wasn't, it was just good clean college fun.

So, yes, I feel enlightened while in the car and bathroom. I realized I really need my time to calm myself and just sit and chill. I realize i've been running, and running, for what? I mean, I don't even eat my breakfast sitting-i'm walking to class-because I think it's more efficient-it is, but then again, do I have to eat lunch by myself because it will be quicker then socialize with my friends. Yea, what happened to me. I'm making a really big conscience effort to do well-it seems i'm doing worse, but i've been talking to my TAs or at least they know who I am and this whole two midterm thing instead of the one midterm thing really threw my grade off-but I get it, I understand how. Anyways, yea, that was my ephiphany that I lived for so many days on, and the caffeine and sugar I also ate, but I still managed to stay slim-thank you.

I just miss blogging, the sound of my keys being tapped and me just thinking, just chilling, just calming myself. It's really nice. Just like shopping, and reading girly magazines. Maybe it's because it's incredibly brainless and it's really what I need after thinking none stop during the week. I mean, sure girly magazines are demeaning to some women and that whole blah blah blah, but I mean, there's a fine line between knowing what's "life" and "art" so it's been a fun week. I skipped my first class. Actually, it really wasn't skipping because it was a film, a film I had saw twice in two different classes and was being shown again, and the teacher said that we weren't going to be tested on it and we didn't have to see it if we all felt so compelled by the nature of the film-I was one of them. It felt kind of exciting, my first skip since high school. Quite exciting, but yea, so that was it, my week. Just random thoughts... right back to bathroom fisaco-can remember now...

Ok, so some people live their whole lives as the ones "being perceived" as in the way they should be and leading this secret life. When is it time to turn it into the real life and not keeping in the closet. Seriously, when is that point. What makes one chance, what makes one feel enlightened to that point where you say, no, I can't lead this life, I have to be "me" not the "faux me." I just wondered how so people can do it? For so long, for so many years, how does it work?