No. 236

As I write I'm feeling a complex swirl of emotions. Not candy colored, but more like gutter colored stuck in the rain wet dog feeling. So yes, I'm in college, thinking that this year, my second, will be easier. I am however, unaccustomed to this two midterms and one final deal. Usually, it's one mid and one final. So, I did poorly and have freaked out, not in that sucidal let me jump off the balcony thing. I've contemplated, but it's not like, serious, i'm sure everyone has, what it'd be like to fall to your death-your final thoughts rushing to you as you smack the pavement. Ok, so I realized that with two midterms, it gives people a second chance to do better then with the two midterms, it averages into your suppose to be grade. Which means, that they have to grade harder unlike one midterm classes-because you only have one shot, while two midterm classes you haver two-so it makes sense to grade harder, because if you didn't, then everyone could do well on the midterms and bomb the finals and it wouldn't matter right. So yea, it's my justification, i've talked to people about it, I think i'm good. Also, I looked at my major-I think I have a shock-I feel good, not bad, and I mean, it's just all pent up anxiety that's occurring. Maybe some drug will rid me of that, but for now, it will just have to be. Also, I think my major problem with the whole testing thing, is I focus on the small parts, which I think will equal the whole, but it doesn't. I think I just need to grasp the main parts well and don't even worry about the details-fuck them, but yet, I always feel bad like i'm neglecting them, but I seriously think I need to focus on the main parts, it even makes sense, in college, u pick a major not a minor, so yea, I think I got it from now on. It's like what everyone else says, they have it, they've always got it, until someone disagrees and then they question themselves and ask if they've got it. Hopefully i'll be ok, I hope so, but then again, there are how many people in that class, and i'm sure they they're in the same boat as me. Anyways, no one is complaining, so I know it will be ok or at least that's what i'm telling myself.

So yea, watched Rich Girls on MTV.

Dear god, are they stupid, sure it's semi interesting because of all the shopping they do, but it's really faux. First off, who drives around in a limo when it's two people-most people just use a towncar right? Ok, and could that girl just get off her fucking phone. God, even the more famous one, the Hilifiger daughter is not all about it, the Jamie girl is using it like there will be no tomorrow. AT&T Wireless really need to give her a deal-whenever she uses her phone, flash the AT&T sign up. Seriously, and the dog-dear god, it was cute, but that girl was like, "there's a rabbit" and become immediately jealous. It's like, I wouldn't put my dog through the whole let's get our hair, makeup thing done. I mean, send the dog out with caretakers and let him romp around. So yea, heard also that Ashlee Simpson, Jessica's sis is going to have her own show too. Apparently, "they're vastly different." Yes, wonderful. Oh, and as for the Rich Girls, could they be more annoying, I mean, how many times can you say na uh. It's like, just stop it children, move on and the world will be fabulous. I also looked up this one website, something about being a bitch and the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Is it automatically assumed that if you're a bitch, you're rich and famous. Give me a break, clearly they are not because the topics they address are obscene and they are classless, but it doesn't mean they aren't rich and famous, but most likely they aren't.

Relevation: when I got my semi bad grades and proceeded to freak out, as I walked out of my room, right past the frame of the door, I realized, "shopping is not everything." Also, you know how people always say they're scrubby when in comfy sport clothes. I'm putting my foot down, i'm shit in my sport clothes and i'm downright going to sport it up. Yes, also because at the Lucy store, I saw this fab Puma burgundy jacket with a high collar-what I live for that is. So yea, I think I might get it. I also got my first puma bag-those giant ones, I finally got one, and I felt fabulous about it while sporting it back to my dorm. I also got shorts and a few more bags too, all on sale. I also got this skirt-but yet to wear, it's actually at home.

I also realized that people from a grade under me are coming to UW. It's cool, but they just stare at you. LORD KNOWS, just say HELLO, it is not that hard. They just stare, and i'm like, whatever. Use to as a freshman, I was offended when people didn't say hi, but now, I just don't give a damn like the Soviets didn't in the cold war.

Relevation: I think I have to apply my knowledge, not just rejugerate it back. Seriously, in tests, I need to apply to modern day or whatever rather then the whole try to write out all the info I remembered. Yea, I think I just freak out because well, I mean, it's hard because you only get 50 minutes so, while sitting there and people are writing away, you are just reading the question-kind of intimidating.

I think I might go talk to my TA just to talk and grades, but yea, i've often found, if you talk to them, they're nice and not so scary, and sometimes they won't be so nervous. Anyways, off to Will and Grace.