No. 163

Am I selfish?

Ok, so I told Jennie-O that I'm not going to prom. She seems to have a big deal. So I ask myself, am I selfish for not going. Then I ask myself is Jen selfish because we all said no dates, and she has one? I don't know whose right or not. I reserve the right for not going. Everyone knows I don't mind much for dancing and all that jazz. Then I find out that Miss Anime Freak says taht Jen says she was mad then she understands. No, if Jen did understand, she wouldn't truly understand and get mad. She doesn't get it, because every guy she's ever seen in her life, she's been attached to physically or by the whole boyfriend ordeal. Me, my guy friends, the few I have, well the two or so I have, are strictly friends and that is it. There's nothing physically and any of that shit. So, I ask myself, should I write an e-mail back to herr saying i'm sorry you feel that way, while she didn't even bother to write me back? I mean, I want her to get it, but she just won't, so it's too late. It was sad, that I sorta had to tell her over the internet, but two people both told me to do it over the internet, so I mean... Not to mention that if I talked to her, she wouldn't listen to me, she doesn't listen to me at all, unless i'm the only person there. She never talks to me on the net either, not even to say hi, I say hi to her, and get brutally rebuffed, that's why I don't talk to her anyways. I seriously just don't know. I mean, I like her, she's a great person, but sometimes, I just don't know what to do. I mean, you read those stupid girly magazines about friends who don't talk and all this shit, but it never really works. It some how ends up aloof. I'm at ends, not to mention that i'm totally feeling horrid today. I'm feeling that i'm that fat cow who spends to much money and induldges too much and must to something about it, but I can't, i'll grovel and it'll be a new day tomorrow. Plus, the weather is wack today so i'm unbalanced as well. If I did e-mail Jen, wht the fuck do I say? I've told her the reasons, and if she just doesn't get it, and won't confront me on it, then what the hell am I suppose to do? I'm hearing from all these people about me not going and how she didn't expect it and all this shit about me, but she's not doing anything to my face, so what am I gonna do? More to come later.