No. 227

For the love of all things Gucci. I think I live in a distorted life...

So, it seems my best thinking is done in the car, even though my car rides are rarely more then 15 minutes, but yea, I think in the car, not in the bathroom, not while watching TV or doing something mindless, I think in the car. Sidenote: my parents are now more popular then me, they have gone out every single day of the week except Wednesday or something. Anyways, so further reminding myself that no one cares, or if they do care, I don't get it because I put my phone on silent and can't hear the thing... Ok, so everyone knows how in high school it's all material superficial crap right, well it doesn't change much, it's just that people brew secretly instead of screaming it outloud in our high school days. So yea, I always wonder about the whole class system that is not suppose to be here, but we still associate with it. What is middle class, and upper middle class and all that. I'm so confused, because, I think I live a distorted life. I think people who make a million-ish are middle class? Then, why is there the blue collar and white collar classes? That's why, I think i'm really distorted. Also, ok, so I watch all those It's Good To Be Fabulous Life of J. Ho etc and i'm thinking, compared to so and so, they don't make that much, but then i'm like, you're nothing worth talking about if you don't make a billion plus, which I know is kind of distorted too. I mean, I really don't think $500,000 is a lot of money, it doesn't look like it, but it is right? Much people would think so, but for some reason, i'm like, it's nothing, whatever. Oh, and it's odd because my mom was saying her friends are upper class-but I was thinking they're middle class... Then, I realized most of my family members have made at least a mill, and i'm thinking-middle class. I think I have a distortion. Oh yea, and I will never look at pictures of myself anymore. I look so distorted, and when me and my cousin take really cute homes- we look like freaks. One picture I looked like a giant lemon, yes, thanx to Abercrombie's ski coat in yellow being the "in" thing because we dreamed we'd be Puff Daddy, ghetto chic-esque. I always have this distorted vision, like all those places you see that are all nice and pristine-I think people live there, but it's not true, people have stuff and the stuff must be somewhere right. I also feel so weird, like I never fit in, I don't think I can apply those middle upper class things anymore. I use to try to associate, yea, another thign that I can't be a part of, just like church-it's ain't happening, my mind's too powerful for that stuff, and no, i'm not going to sit in a no airconditioned church with nylons on with 90s chic motif around me. Oh yea, note to self: weddings must always be in well ventilated air conditioned properly aired spaces. Yea, which is weird, because I mean, most people get nervous wearing lots of stuff going to sweat... must remember that for future friend as well.

Oh, and also another distorted vision, I think everyone is on the rocks or separated, yet why do I see so many young people getting married while media sources are screaming it's declining1 out of 4 blah blah blah. Yea, young people are getting married, I can't even get a date. Seriously, and has anyone ever wondered about those people who float from boy to boy-and not really in that skank way, they just float and ignore friends. I've pondered, and i'm like, how does that happen? Is it true that once you've dated, people get the "vibe" and want to date you? I also wonder, why can't people be single? Is it probable, that at age 18 or so, they're looking for "true love" and that is the reason for heavy dating? I'm thinking, ok, we have years ahead, but then again, i'm secretly freaking out because what if you have to do that whole Angelina Calista Flockhart type thing, not dating freaks, but more like, adopting on your own and some how being both mother and father and having your kid be cool with it like some kid with two gay parents. I mean, yes, most of the time i'm sure the kid is cool, but after a while-wouldn't anyone be like, "why can't I be normal?" That is followed by the stage of uniqueness and being "the one" and blah blah blah and living a glorious eccentric life, or is it truly glorious? Such as mine, outside it seems fab, but like the new Vanity Fair says in the comments section to something of this context, "Teens aren't exciting, I should know, I am one." Yea, but it's just not teens-why is reality tv so amazing, yet our lives are so freakin' boring it seems, but essential it is the same? I am so confused, and my mom and think our dad is lost... life of being socially elite-getting lost before schmooze.

Also, I was looking at the sharper image, so, now there is a foot spa with remote. My god, it's like, don't bend over to press the button, add another remote to your collection to do the job for you. I also have been seriously thinking about getting one of those elliptical machines-but I wonder if they break easy. I'll probably get a cheapy 200 buck one, and plus, I could secretly bring it up to the dorm, put it on the balcony and work out, besides the fact people would see and gawk at me-i'm not sure I want that, but then again, I sleep out there too, not by chance-I fell asleep.

With the whole money thing, it seems i'm getting poorer, I want to get the Will & Grace DVD, foot spa, those Issac driving loafers, and that 200 buck thing, all I have to pay for it now probably by my own money since I work. The whole basis of my job was to keep me from boredom-not to actually spend the money. So yea, but mental note-must get those things.