No. 185

It seems that I have tons of things to say, blogger is reeling me back. Ok, two subjects, love, yea the general subject, and my self awareness conscienceness whatever blah blah blah.

First, my height leading to the general self awareness thing.

Went bowling, didn't realize how tall I was. I'm 5'8 and all my friends are hella short, the ones that went bowling this time at least. It was odd, because I never thought it'd affect me that much. I actually didn't dance, since it was cosmic bowling because I was a full head and more taller then all my friends, it seemed like I would be some freak, when naturally they are since they're short. It was odd, since I never thought I'd be affected by something like this. Tae, the only male who has a female brain just chilled with me, he was the same height as them, but you know, guys don't dance. He did a semi Britney move and he's got game. He's chill. Tae, Beener, and myself are going to go tan on the waterfront on Tuesday, Albino Alison wants to go, but I was saying what the hell, she doesn't tan and has the whitest legs i've ever seen. She just hates to be excluded. We didn't invite Jennie-O, I felt kinda bad, but that relationship is over. She's phased us out a long time ago, I just need to accept it and not talk to her, since whenever I do, I do the talking and she probably just sits back. Which brings me to my next topic...love...

Love?

Why is it that hard. For Jennie-O, she's had some sort of guy in her life for god knows how long, a good three four years right. She's obsessed with finding them online, as in she actually does the whole cyber dating. I mean, sorry for all those who do it, but you have no idea what freak is behind the computer, I could be saying that i'm Me in my blogs, but for all you out there, this could be some sort of article writing of a transexual living in Austria or something you know and I could not be 18, but 33. Seriously, we can be anything online and she still falls for the boys. They want to see her and i'm sorry, but after hearing the horror stories, it's not like, "hey, let's meet for coffee..." Oh HELL NO! So, I ask myself, it is really that hard to find love or to get some sort of action. I don't know, for me it seems i'm challenged. Watching my friends in Hawaii hook up, i'm speechless and Bee with her mexican man while she was in LA. Seriously, I don't know. As I was driving to bowling yesterday, having my mixed day where no music was appropriate, I asked myself, why does Alison find some guy at Orientation when I thought all the men were gay there. I just don't get it. It's so odd. He didn't show though, it figures, who would want to hang with her and some freak friends when you barely know her right? I'd be nervous. So, having another mixed day today, I didn't even feel like shopping. I thought it was a very horrifying experience, too many yappers around aka britney wannabes and just shitty stuff. I mean, I was feeling the depressive state. I mean, I kinda wished i'd grab some friend, preferably like tae or possibly gay, no girls because I really don't want them to bitch, but I mean, guys not into you don't care about you being fat or anything, go chill, grab a martini-green apple and some ultra methanol lights or something, cuz well, they're all into smoking you know, but no, I won't find that, only on TV. It's so sad, god, seriously, it's like why can't I have a guy that is my friend, a gay friend or a girly friend, no never me. I want the experience that everyone raves for, but what, what, I get myself, myself, oh and did I mention, myself.

Another topic

Ok, while in junior high, looked forward to high school. Going to college, i'm looking past college and now want the Sex and the City scene. Is that sad or what. I do not know what the hell is wrong with me. Oh, and I got fatter to I think. That's why i've been really iffy and i'm on my period, my periods are never bad, not the whole cramp and shit ordeal that girls have to deal with, but they leave me really quiet and reserved, it doesn't help, since i'm always quiet and reserved. No seriously, when I turn 19, I just want to go to Canada, throw on a mini and tank with some strappies, walk out with a clutch, grap a gin and tonic or whatever and just chill outside with my ultra methanol light in my hand. It's not what I want, but I want to convey the image, i'm impressionable, and that's the image I want to convey. Whatever though, i'm speechless and don't know what to say anymore that is.