No. 9

I've known it and now I'm kind of mad at the world. I don't think I accept it yet because I still get mad at the world of why my parents are old. My parents are old, yes they are and no matter what anyone says they are old. On the verge of some life altering disease. They got to be in the late sixties to their early seventies. I've noticed that they keep rambling on and unable to drop a subject. It's like society has told them if they stop talking they will fall of this Earth due to no one remembering them. That's probably why everyone rambles when they don't have anything significant to say. Has anyone ever wondered what would happen if people actually got to the point and had interesting things to say rather than a whole bunch of filler? My parents can pay for my college and they will due to the fact of old Chinese ways and since I'm a girl. Let me explain the whole I'm the girl scenario, my dad would love for me to work, yet he doesn't want me to work at the mall because that's just not good enough you know, not afframable, but where else can you get a afframable job when you haven't had a job yet? I don't have any connections and neither due my parents. I'm 18 and I don't have my license. My dad goes over this whole shit about why I don't have it when I had to practically get on my hands and knees to let me take driver's ed at 17. Yea, so now he's like, "I have to be your chauffeur." I'm like dad, if you don't want me to be a chauffeur then I won't go to school, I won't get good grades and the old age kicks in, he says, "okay, why not." What the FUCK is that all about. This is coming from a man who won't be a new Toyota because he's driven his BMW for as long as can remember. I think he's only driven European cars his whole life. This is the man saying that when he buys a car and when he buys a house, he pays in cold hard cash natch. This is coming from a man who only wears Tommy Hilifiger and Ralph Lauren Polo. He's telling me it's ok when clearly he feels ashamed of what I am. Yea, I'm in the top 14% of my class, but that's not good enough, you wanna know why, because I didn't get an A, I got an A -. My dad doesn't get why an A is an A - at our school because we don't have the plus minus system nor does he get why I can't try harder to get the A, when clearly I've tried and realized I can't be the best at everything and choose to except it. This comes from a man that secretly didn't want to have anything to do with me when I was a kid because what, because I was a GIRL. Yea, I'm not a boy so I can't do sports and be all manly nor will I ever carry the family name and after all BOYS are always better than the emotional girl. That's what it stems from, unlike everyone else, I don't have normal parents that work, mine stay home constantly. They don't say anything to me, but when they ask about college I tell them, then five minutes later, they ask me again. I prefer not to talk to my dad. It seems all to cynical and sad because they're gonna die soon, and I didn't get to know them. They still think at age 17 and 1/2 that I'm still too young to know anything about their family. I don't even know their age because I had to go to the driver's license and look it up! That's how sad it is, while everyone says yea, my dad use to work for so and so and when he was in college... I know nothing of that. If I had to write a family tree, there wouldn't be one because I just don't know anything about them nor when they would tell me stuff about the family, it would be a lie, because he would rather want al the family stuff to be on the DL so he would say what sounds good. It's as time has been turned back due to the fact that they both need voice recorders to memorize the small bit of information I give them. That's why I choose to tell them what is important, I don't put filler it, I tell it straight up and straight forward.

Another thing that totally bugs me is black people. I don't hate them in general, but it seems that whenever I encounter one, they are what our society has deemed them to be. They are incompetent, ignorable, and total asses. The reason being is the first time I've encountered an African America, yes I use them term because I thought they deserved it, but I don't think so. It hurts my hand to write that long word, so I'll just use black like everyone else assuming they don't respect me either. My sophomore year, I had to go get a book from my locker, I'm minding my business going back to class, these two girls, one is black taunts me and says something to the affect of, "Yea, keep staring at your book!" Like I don't have the right to look at her. Today, I'm a senior, this black guy out in the same hallway totally takes my by surprise. It's these two black guys, I even know what of them, he sits by me in class. I walk by and he yells, "DO SOMETHING," The girl that was with them was like dude don't do that, but I was totally appalled that I didn't even stop and be like, " NO, you go get your ass away from this school and go smoke a joint!" I'm a so thinker, so it never came to mind. That guy I knew, he once tried to copy my assignment. It was a map assignment in where you have to find the locations. He couldn't do it himself, so he decided he wanted to copy mine. Another thing, all the black guys at our school only play football hence their might be some trend. I hate it though, all the people in black movies like Finding Forester put out the sympathy card saying that we should be nice to them and how the whites killed their race when They, yes THEY killed their own race by still continuing to be the way they are. I understand why society now gives them the shady eye every time they walk into a store and whatnot. I understand, for the first time in my life, I don't feel sorry for any black person on this earth no matter what they claim to be ailing them. I'm Chinese and I believe I get ridiculed more even though I hang out with a lot of white people because in Moses Lake, there was only white people and Japanese people and lots of Hispanics. So, whenever anyone says it's okay because they're black, it's never ok no matter what and I don't think just because they were slaves they get special treatment. That was hell of a long time ago, and if you didn't want to be a slave, then you either should have ended your life right then and there or just bore through it and ended up strong! There may be nice blacks out there, and I don't doubt it. So anyone who feels offended, this is just my point of view, I feel this way, I finally understand societies views and I'm not saying that all blacks are bad, but it's a pretty slim number. And for those who think they are a nice black, then it will be fate that people treat you well because it will come through in your appearance and in your personality.

Jewish Princess of Medina Update: So my poor idiot doesn't know any better friend Kyle totally got bitched out by his dad. He can't get into Jen's car anymore. Princess says that's great for him and he deserved it, but I'm saying,"It's just a car, it's not the world." People take material possessions way to seriously. This makes me kind of sad knowing society values these things that don't really count. They're nothing compared to the life lessons that can be learned. Kyle has been acting depressed because I'm sure that he feels kinda bad and after his dad bitching at him for how long really got to him. His dad isn't the nicest and most forgiving person in the world. So, Princess is all happy and says, "Yea, there is ONE scratch on my car if he wants to pay for it too." She would save her Explorer then to save her brother ok! That's how bad it is, I mean lots of people would do anything for family, but she would sell her brother so she could get a new car. I can't believe she can be so cold hearted and the only reason why Kyle was throwing things at her car is because Princess treats him like shit. She treats everyone like shit and expects flowers to come blooming up over their relationships. UNREALISTIC, and what makes me sad about her is she still doesn't know what she does wrong! It's true how some say that they never learned that lesson until death and some never learn it at all. I've tried to make her believe, but she would rather talk about how the Cheer Squad sucks because she's not in it!

Yes, I offend, but in person I never due, it seems like on paper I have a real voice. I don't feel bad because these are my views and nothing has changed to make me alter them. If you feel bad for me or don't agree with me, it's totally fine, but I am a product of society and society has influenced me in these views, therefore they are just not mine, but they are the SOCIETY views!

Goddess_333