No. 6

Okay, I am such a loser. First of all, I know i'm not perfect, yet I'm an only child and have no other life besides me, therefore I always think and dwell about certain subjects. So, I'm trying to get all trim, it's not like I wanna be totally Victoria's Secret able to model type of thing, but I just don't wanna die. I mean my mom is a diabetic and my dad's been slightly round around the stomach for as long as he has been alive except during the time during the war. So, I wanna get trim, partially for health and also because I wanna look good in my clothes. I mean, it sounds so teenage of me and be all materialistic, but our society counts on it, and I guess i'm a product of society. Yesterday, I over ate and felt bad, today I did too. It sucks, because I had made this pack from December till end of school I would not eat as much. I ruined the first two days, which is bad. I mean, I'm happy the way I look, but everyone in societies like no you're fat and you're gonna die, so I'm freaked out. It makes me kind of sad because I know you only get to live once, and even though their the whole "other" world, I won't experience it with the mind I have now. I feel kind of sad that all my high school life or at least when I can remember, I've always wondered if people like me or is it the whole weight thing. The deal is it all stems back from a hospital visit I had. I had to go to the hospital because when I was little I didn't drink enough fluids, so i was all sick and they had too do all this crap for me in the hospital. I was really skinny back then, not just average skinny, but everyone started yelling at my mom because they all thought I wasn't getting fed; I was, I just didn't eat? I don't know why, I just didn't. So, after the horrible hospital food, it all went down hill from there. I started devouring everything because I guess I was just so starved from average food. It's weird how your body works. I'm sure my weight wasn't the result of some growth spurt because I've always grown faster than others, but it's the result of a hospital visit. I don't feel sad, but it's just weird how some people are destined to be like this. It's like I was damned from the start! Another thing I have noticed is that people in the city are seriously skinner then people in the rural areas? I wonder why that can be, what the people in the rural areas have more time to eat?

Goddess_333