You are a failure, jutst admit it, maybe you shouldn't have kids and used abortion

Ok, so today, I just went downstairs to talk to my dad, socialize if you will, I walked by his tables and he had like a dab of paint on a thin sheet of paper and it blew up and landed onto his drawing table and almost onto his canvas. He was furious, so normally you would run, which I did, and then he says in Chinese which is the equivalent of "I would have sliced you open" as in he would have slicked me open and cooked me up to use in soup, all this comes while he says, "what is your plan b if you don't get into law school" all the way I have this hypothesis saying that if you aren't good enough you aren't good enough and there is nothing you can do about it, aka Michelle Kwan, there's nothing you can do, even if you were really wanting it you could taste it, you just aren't good enough. That's why sometimes I hate my dad, I hate him because he some how managed to beat the system and retire at 55, not hate, I feel annoyed, I take it back. I feel annoyed that he says, "no if you try then it is good enough" well sometimes 'IT'S FUCKING NOT." He then says, well you have to go to graduate school, what would you do? Well there are tons of schools etc. and i'm not just going to get a masters just to get one. There's Masters of Global Affairs, Masters of Political Science, Masters of Public Policy, I mean, I don't want to get get a master's cuz "oh shit I should have one right?" Because that would be stupid. So since i'm not good enough, maybe you should have thought about that before having kids, or an accident like me, it's called abortion and you should have used it, in fact you A. should have made sure I wasn't a girl B. you should have made sure I had enough brain cells and C. you should have looked at yourself and your wife and someone could foresee whether your child would be smarter or stupid? Those were your own faults, now you are left with "Someone that isn't good enough" just like how some things can't be sold for 5,000 even though you claim they can be, just like some people says that you have money and you can buy a car, damn right all in cash right, but there still isn't a car you want with all the options and you refuse to order one so doesn't that make you not good enough in the sense that you don' thave all the money in the world or you wouldn't fucking care about how you don't want the damn heated seats. I relish for the day when I am literally stuck in the middle of no where on mile marker no. 189 from some god forsaken town and have to say, "your car, some 25+ years, not even your car that you bought but your wife's car has died" and like you can't be mad at the car because well it's ancient, so then you will freak out, have to buy a car right away and then pay some prosperous amount over that because you needed one right away and am forced to have the heated seats, so then you will forever hate the car and realize that they screwed you over when in reality they didn't, they took advantage of you, because you weren't good enough.

I was watching this Asian tv, Scoop about celebs and this one guy was like, "yea i'm not partial to kids but I wouldn'tmind this one." He was holding on in his arms and it like said everything, even about how much money he wanted to make next. I realized that the problem children are the ones that don't say anything, the ones that are mute and quiet, they have the deepest repercussions. That's why they have issues. I realized the boisterous kids are less prone to this, I mean, they have someone to confide in, something I never had. Boisterorsity usually comes with more kids in one family. I realize the cliches they say are true, like they have each other or whatever. At least they can talk to each other and like express what they need or feel or whatever. Me, I have no one, that's why, une fille unique is not just a blessing, it is a curse in many ways. I wish I could say I have people to lean on to say things, but I really don't, maybe it's that paranoid part of me or the part of me that knows people don't care, or they don't want to hear it, because remember people, i'm that rich girl who didn't suffer, that's what they see, that's what I am in all my gluttony. Gluttony hides things people, that is the life lesson learned.