No. 294 You're not good enough

So, I just had another cry fest. It's stupid in the eyes of an audience, but to me it makes perfect sense. So, i'm faced with this "you're not good enough..." It's true though, why do people do this, they say, "you can try, try and you will succeed and you can do whatever..." Ok, the thing is, i'm 21, i'm not 12. I'm being realistic, sometimes you are not good enough. It's like, Hilary Rodham Clinton regardless of being the initials HRC or HC, she won't be president people. It's not going to happen, I mean, she's not good enough, she's good, but she's still not good enough you know. There are lots of things where you try and you might not be good enough...such as you want to be Andy Roddick, but you can't...because you probably aren't going to be as good as him because your peak is suppose to be at 21 and you are not starting to play. Just like a certain someone who says "look at me I turned out find, it was hard, blah blah blah, I tried and I succeed..." And I'm thinking, I don't think you are good enough, because sure, you came to a far off land while 19, you went to college-FAILED, did real estate FAILED-GOT FIRED because you did this normal deal that was legit and non-legit in the same way, slight wrongdoing on behalf of both parts but you got the big F word while your boss didn't, so yea, were you good enough-no you weren't, because you tried college and failed, you weren't good enough for college, you tried your real estate deal-a deal that semi went bad and you weren't good enough, your boss didn't take the blame for it and instead you got the boot? How are you some how "good enough?" I don't see it...just like some things like I'd love to be the General Secretariat of the UN, will I be that person, most likely no. Regardless of how if you try that you will make it. I mean I went to this function where the guy said that he is on contract and can be fired at any moment. People ask him if he is fearful of losing his job, he says no because "there is always a market for good people" which I believe,b ut there is another thing I believe, "sometimes you aren't good enough" just like I fool myself that my HS GPA was fabulous with a medicore SAT, I still couldn't get into an ivy league, but I like try to fool myself into thinking that I can when in reality it's not going to happen. I mean it's one thing to tell a 12 year old you can do anything you want, but it's another to try to say you can when you're 21 and we're talking realistically. Just like there was this one story about a girl, if she got a perfect score on her MCAT, her dad would buy her a mustang. Ok, you have to be good enough to like be able to do that because you can't just study your butt off and can a perfect score, she was one off, but I mean, she was there regardless, like she probably had to kick like massive ass and like study well, but it wasn't like she was scoring a 0-5 then somehow managed to get the 39 out of 40, I mean, you have to be good enough. It's preposterous but of course whenever i'm uncertain or scared about things, I do what little kids too, I cry about it, only in the comfort of my own home and my family...but not in public. Like, if I didn't get a job, I don't think i'd cry about it because i'd think about the next job interview I would get you know...I wouldn't dwell on it and i'd just say we were a perfect fit. But in my own home, I mean, you get scared or unsure you start to feel sad and I cry, but of course people say you should have confidence, no confidence is when you have a degree with Harvard, confidence is an ego, an ego is confidence because you know you are hot shit and that's it. I guess it's something that I was never taught, I mean I have balls, but like notn all the time you know, there are certain things that balls can't even handle, uncertainty in life...that is the issue. I mean I know i'm one of those "good people" but it's also about patience-lacking, confidence-lacking, connections-lacking...Like I don't think you're good enough if all you want is Louis Vuitton bags and you like can only afford one, or the fact that you're obviously not good enough wne you waited less then 100 pounds when you were young and are like practically at 40% heavier but still teh same height...I don't think you're good enough when all you want to do is travel but like you are too cheap to go, hence you didn't make enough money to do the things you are-because you couldn't and obviously you aren't good enough. So, I don't know how this whole "you're not good enough" ideal that I have isn't true, because frankly I don't see how it isn't true and i'm being realistic. I never said that I want to be the first female president, but I want a legitimate job that like fair to me and give me enough money to make me feel good enough while making me feel like I make a difference. Someone told me that in the beginning I should let people walk all over me and like do extra stuff because in the end it will pay off-yea what if it fucking doesn't and then I don't get a raise, and when I ask for one they boot me out? In that sense, I wasn't good enough for them and then in that sense, I failed because I failed to see what a horrible job that was and am screwed out of the however months-years that I spent on that job being the push over, the easy one, the pliable stereotype...so yea, sometimes you just aren't good enough and I don't know what someone could tell me or convince me of how that isn't true. Also, so yea, amazingly in both of my families a daugher died, natural causes or rather they couldn't battle the disease, cancer, sickness whatever they had. Isn't that a case of "you're not good enough" because i'm sure they tried to live, because they managed to live until their at least young adult years, but I don't understand how that can't be a "you're not good enough" to be the surivival of the fittest because i'm sure they would argue if they were a live that 'they tried their hardest to stay alive" but they died, they weren't good enough, they couldn't make it...so tell me, how can you're not good enough not exist and it isn't true...you tell me that some higher being...