No. 64

Yesterday, I just didn't post. I mean I had nothing to say, and even though I wanted to keep up my one day a post thing, I've noticed it's over and why do I have to do that anyways. What, so I can be orderly, I think this random postage is a lot more festive and definitely brighten things up. It's like they say how when in school you always do the flag salute every single day, so it doesn't feel important anymore, while people do it at assemblies and they really feel the strength of the flag.

Today I realized that I was happy. For about say, a good 15 minutes, I was actually enjoying life. Life as it is, not life as I want it to be or life as it comes in my dreams. Scenario: I was sitting in the car, driving my mom, going to drop off movies and pick up our dinner at Ori's. I realized coming back, the drive back that is, I was calm, collected, serene, breaking remarkably well. I think yoga really helps. On the way there, I was kinda freaking out, I mean, god forsaken we hit a snowbank and all die, but coming home, I was really calm, I didn't really have a care in the world, well I cared, but I realized, that I should seize the day and live life as it should be. It was quite odd, it was in the state of subconsciousness that I've never actually reached. I mean, there was about probably a good 10 things wrong with me, but I mean, it didn't bother me. It really didn't bother me, I mean I can just say it, but it didn't bother me. Nor did the whole situation with Dawn. She was on MSN, I'm usually on, but for some reason I got disconnected. I get back on, she sees me, she quickly turns her Away sign on, then I check back again, she gets off. I find it amusing how she's so scared to talk to me, I mean, i'm the little cousin, i'm suppose to have the least power, yada yada yada. For some reason, that didn't get to me anymore. I felt so not getting to. It was as if I had taken zen lessons or something. Maybe I've realized that's important, I mean I always tell myself not to worry because either A. The damage is done, B. If you freak out, it doesn't do anything for anyone, besides the fact that when you're 30 you can't buy that handbag because you have to shell out that 200 bucks for your heart medication. I think the lesson of that has finally gotten to me. I mean, it's funny how some people say things, and they don't mean it, or they're on the verge of believing it, but it's when it actually happens, it's like this whole new state of consciousness. This state probably has a name, do I care to look it up, no, it's really ok. What's getting to me is that whenever I finish working out I get a headache, either it is the walk to the car or either it is just that I work out so much that my stomach literally empties itself during the workout.

Goddess_333