No. 63

I've decided that I'm not going to play tennis for BHS. I'm not doing it because all the people that play are so unmotivated, now McD has finally realized that and is trying to turn it around. I'm not playing considering what he's done the girls. I never nor has many girls felt like a team on the tennis team. All of us break up into our little circles and we're more concerned about whose bringing the snacks instead of who we are playing against. We've lost focus as a team and after all the Varsity girls had that meeting with McD, he probably feels that he needs to do something to turn us around. Well, it's kinda too late. Also, it conflicts with my schedule. I mean, when I go to the games, I get home around 6ish and when I go to the gym, I get home at 4:15 no later. I think i'm actually getting more fit too at the gym. When I played tennis, I had lost weight, but I didn't gain any muscle or anything like that, when I go to the gym, I actually get both. My legs have become a lot more fit and totally unflabby, that's just props to my EFX machine. Also, playing tennis is really boring because no one is motivated to play, while i'm at the gym, I listen to music, read magazines or do AP English homework, I mean, it's really helpful. I feel like a multi-tasker. At tennis, I fret about what I have to do when I go home.

I had an interesting convo with my mother. My dad is away at Vanny, he doesn't even care about us, he hasn't even called to say he arrived safely. For all I know, he could be stuck on the pass up to Vanny. I don't care though, not that much. I realized that my mom wants me to be "happy," and when she says that, she actually means it. While my dad says he wants me to be, "happy," there's some hidden connotations about that. I realize that it's kind of too late, I mean, I can't change the way he thinks about me, no matter what, i'll get what's in the will because i'm the sole heir, so why do I care so much? It's probalby because I don't have a life. Well, I have a life, but I'm such a multi-tasker, that I need to worry about it. I mean, I kinda feel bad because I'm not that person he wanted me to be, well then again, i'm not male, i don't share the love of cars, watches, antiques, and art. I think the big one is ART. I mean, my mom has basically cared for me, so it's so weird to be talking to my dad for long periods of time about anything besides family. I mean, I guess he doesn't care either, considering when I was little, he stayed away from me. It wasn't like he neglected me or anything, but let's say my mom was doing 60% of the work, and my dad was doing around 40%. I wouldn't blame him either, I mean he lived with all girls, his brother at age 16 went to England, and he was alone, with all girls, except his father. His father died early and his father was all into the business and stuff like that, so it wasn't like they were gonna go throw a few. It's weird though, because there's some really young pictures and he's proping me up on the bed, it's really cute. Past that stage, we are either standing or not even taking a picture together. I think he gets weirded out, knowing i'm a girl. He's thinking what they're all about. My dad constantly says that my mom picked on him when they were kids. I find it quite amusing, it could be due to my mom picking on him that he's so weird around girls. Even with his sisters, he doesn't really care about them. I mean, he's like a nonsocializer with his family. His friends, oh yea, they're talking, and talking and oh did I mention, they talk. Weird, but who can change the past or what's going to happen in the present?

Now after to moisturization!

Goddess_333