No. 22

I'm blogging again. Don't ask me why, but I feel like it. WHY, WHY, WHY? That's all I have to say. All our lives we've been told to be thankful for what we have and how others are so much less fortunate than we are. Yes, I believe it, but why do I still WANT so many things. Some are materialistic, some are just experiences! WHY WHY WHY! I always think to myself, why can't I be skinny, why I can't I have a boyfriend, Why can't I have someone who appreciates me verbally? Then I'm thinking i'm some ass because I have everything handed to me and i'm physically all right while others aren't yet I still feel so damn shitty and feel like I suck in this world. Ok, bad convsersion of feelings, but I really am trying to be joyeus during the joyeus time of year, and it's not the presents! Well, I'm gonna go to the supermarket and buy tons of food, so our family can get fat again. I'm definitely going to get skinny though, that's all I'm gonna do from January to June. I figure I have 5 months so I can lose 50 pounds, but not then I can lose at least 25 pounds, hopefully it will be around 35. If I lose that much, I think i'll look at least decent in a swimsuit, THE DIVINE GODDESS OF WEIGHT, PLEASE HELP. I was gonna say God, than Buddha, but sure as hell they aren't gonna help me, what for, they got dying and starving people while i'm being overnourished! MUST STOP ALL EATING THAT IS FRIVOLOUS! You know how some people use pictures to all help them through diets? Do you think that would work? Maybe some steamy picture of an Abercrombie model and a girl? You know, on this bag I have from Abercrombie, the boy on their looks really constipated. It's the bag that has the same naked broad chest on both sides. He looks constipated, definitely not the look they were going for, but he looked so miserable, I was guessing that would be the clencher for people to go buy their clothes that looks like last season, WAIT, OMG, it is last season's sweaters!