No. 188

Ok, so for all those that have posted on my guestlist, well the new ones.

Thank you mouseboxer and Colleen. It's so nice to get some messages once and a while. Oh, and the crude thing, am I really crude? Yea, the blonde joke, but I even had a disclaimer, and I mean, you have to admit, you'd think the ending would be something totally different right? Well, I did anyways. As for crude, it's like telling a fat person, me, that I need to stop being fat, considering the fact that i've been on a diet for three years. Oh, and I don't have low self esteem. Anyways...

Something shocking, an ephiphany apparently, and while I was sleeping...

OK, so a few nights ago, I wake up to this dream, it's totally clear, or was it a nightmare you be the judge. So I wake up crying, not in that I saw a monster oh help me please type of deal. The dream goes like this, sitting in a restaurant by the window and this door, apparently the fire exit, but still in use if you're in the restaurant you can get out that way. Sitting there, my father is somewhere, probably to my right and i'm facing my mother. We've just acquired this table after the Chinese Mafia has finished eating at the restaurant. Some old guy comes in and says, ma'am ma'am where did they go of course in Chinese and really fast. My mother says she doesn't know, seriously, we don't know, and he says that if we don't know, his boss will have to kill my mother. Of course, freaked out and I know she's terrified of dying and all the assumptions of death, she says "i don't know and I don't care." Something to that sort of thing right, sitting here shocked, I ask her, mom, they're gonna hunt you down and you don't care? WHY? She says, "I'm dying..." That's when I broke down crying because recently i've been telling myself that death is natural and everyone's got to go, i'm candid crude blunt whatever you want to call it, but it's the truth, during that night, after that dream I realized, it is the truth, but i'm not ready for my mom to go or maybe not ready for me to go, but I knew for sure, that yes dying happens, but I wasn't ready for it. I know death doesn't leave notice, when it happens it happens, we don't chose the time or anything, it doesn't give you a pink slip of the sort, it just happens, but it hit me, an ephiphany, i'm not ready for any of the sort?!?! Shocked...

Ralph Lauren Towels

I've been using them for ages now, really good and never falls apart. I bought an assortment of colors for college, my mother thinks i'm nuts, I think i'm cool. I have a green bath towel, a yellow head towel, a blue wash cloth, and a pink face towel. What's wrong with that? At least I know no one will still it since it's not a set? Right?

I need a guy Part 1

No, i'm not even in Part 2 stage as P.Diddy Puffy Daddy P whatever his name is, what if it is P. Diddles? Anyways, I realize I totally need a guy. I just need him to be there, you know, the feeling you get when someone is near you, just there, and knowing if the person's nice enough, he'll probably or she'll probably save you. Anyways, so I was thinking about college and how guys sleep in girls beds and guys and guys and girls and girls right. I was thinking about Hawaii and how my friends were being ho-esque in my terms of sleeping with guys everynight. Then I realized, I want that too. I really do, just to have a guy lay there next to me, we don't have to cuddle, but he's got to be nice looking. Oh, let me define nice. I think Abercrombie boys are nice, well most of them, i'd date one, but probably wouldn't marry one. I also think, Adam Sandler is way cute, and Ben Affleck after his drug prob, I think the fattness is just cute, I mean some people look cute fat. Like Jason Biggs of American Pie fame does not look good skinny, I liked him when he was pudgy. That's just me, there are those hick looking sort of guys that are fat and that's just not attractive, I think the flannel really doesn't do it for me either, but Adam is hot and so is Ben, it's their attitude, and when watching Big Daddy, i'm just like, he is so hott!?! I don't know what to say, probably everyone disagrees with me, but if you look at Adam closely he's dating a model, but not in the spotlight and he's got that dorky cute look, I really don't know how to explain it. Yea, but I need a guy. Oh, and this sound weird, but i'm kinda sick of being a virgin? All my friends in ML aren't, and well that's not my status for wanting to not be one, but I want to know how it feels how it's like, you know or maybe you don't know, that deal...